Sunday, March 07, 2004
A busy day at church (for my mind)
A bunch to talk about, and most of it stems from church...
Shelly: A girl that I went to school with (from grade school through high school) was at church today with her mother. She sat in front of me. When we were shaking hands and greeting one another, I told her good morning, but did not know her. She said "hello Carl" with a smile. It was a shock that it was her! It was nice to see her, but it suddenly made me aware of myself if an uncomfortable way. I wondered what she saw... the nerd that went to school with her, an unattractive/overweight man, or a religious zealot. When I looked at her, I know I had many questions in my own mind. She has become a beautiful woman, apparently unmarried. Was she at church seeking God? Was she there as moral support for her mother? What has happened to her in the last ten years? Has she made poor choices that she wishes she could take back? Has her heart been broken, and has she had to rebuild her life? Maybe she has lost her faith in herself, in others, or even in God? I wonder these things, because my own experiences tell me that such things happen. Could she see the past hurt and regret in me? I was too aware of my own thoughts and emotions, and it became uncomfortable to talk to her.
Seeing Shelly there, a person all but forgotten from my past, suddenly reflected my own past life before me. So much happens to a person during their lives, and most of us have no idea. On the surface she was beautiful and happy, but inside who knows? Seeing her today reminded me that we are all very complex creatures, and hard to judge from the outside. This is something that really made me think. There may be those around you that you pass by daily who could be suffering from horrible events, or even rejoicing from fantastic accomplishments. It could be that we are missing many chances to be true friends to those who seem to be just fine, or maybe judging someone too harshly for their outer behavior when they are hurting inside.
Accountability: I was unhappy with the presentation of the Sunday School lesson yet again today. I will try not to be too critical of the volunteers or the church, but the message was all wrong. It frustrates me because this happens a lot lately. Anyway, the message today was starting a series about the armor of God. The first unit was about the figurative "helmet." The teachers had students come up to the front of the class, and role play situations where you should use the helmet. In each case, the play would not progress until a student named a sin they had committed. At this point, the teacher asked "who told/made you to do this sin?" and the student was to reply "Satan."
This angered me because it completely destroys accountability. Christians need to understand that Satan is not the source of all sin. Each one of us is equally as responsible for our bad actions as we are for our good. If we sin, and blame the devil, then we are removing ourselves from any guilt or accountability. The image that comes to mind is the Nazi commanders that said the atrocities they performed during WWII were only orders they were compelled to carry out for a mad and evil leader. In the world of Christian theology, Satan may introduce temptation, but he cannot make you sin. Likewise, our own sinful "flesh" may cause us to be tempted. We are not creatures doomed to failure, just as we are not beings that default to righteousness. Our existence is the embodiment of free will, and while the forces of God and Satan may conspire to lead us in particular directions, I think the Bible is clear that we are responsible to make our own choices, and ultimately be held solely accountable for our actions. If this was not the case, and humans were just pawns between the two, then God would be dealing immediately with Satan rather than man in his covenants.
Making these children act out scenarios where the devil is blamed for all wrong only encourages a lack of accountability. And lacking accountability, we are often convinced that we are helpless to sin, and therefore do not resist it when opportunities arise. I had a problem with this subtle issue in the lesson today.
Worship: I have found myself almost completely unhappy singing at church. The songs we sing do not reflect my inner thoughts, and I don;t particularly like to sing as it is. The words are repetitive and seem to be overly composed. By that I mean they are poetic and artistic, but not reflective of any real emotion for me. I don;t think God wants to hear me sing things that I do not mean. Do you? If you were God would that make you happy? I find it hard to think that me calling God by names I cannot even pronounce, or saying that nothing is as valuable to me as Him (when I often struggle with placing him even in the top 5 things in my life) is morally wrong.
So I find myself standing there silent, trying to smile and avoid looks from others who are singing their hearts out. Our church has become more contemporary in worship, and with that has come a culture of hand waving and raising. Again, I do not feel moved to do this, but I stick out like a sore thumb as I stand still. Worship has become an uncomfortable time for me. Church is a bad place to be when you are full of questions and doubt, because a lot of what happens on Sunday morning is on auto-pilot. As with most things, it is up to yourself to take care of what you need. Anyway, at least I enjoy the sermons, and learn a great deal from them.
WOW! That was a negative entry. Sorry about that. And I didn't even get to the part where I was upset that people are using the Passion of Christ movie as motivation and illustration in their Sunday messages (we had the book all along, why is this movie so important now?).
But anyway, I feel better now! It was nice to see Shelly, and I would have liked to talked to her more. I love the children at church, and I am glad I can be a part of their lives. Lastly, I think that if there is a God, he surely is worth a heartfelt and enthusiastic praise, not just the sounds of a human musicbox. See, I can be positive! :)
This coming week I will talk about the Council Bluffs tour I am hosting, some misconceptions about science that lead to further ignorance, a few understandings I have come to about myself, and a bunch of nonsense, I am sure. Have a great week friends!
Shelly: A girl that I went to school with (from grade school through high school) was at church today with her mother. She sat in front of me. When we were shaking hands and greeting one another, I told her good morning, but did not know her. She said "hello Carl" with a smile. It was a shock that it was her! It was nice to see her, but it suddenly made me aware of myself if an uncomfortable way. I wondered what she saw... the nerd that went to school with her, an unattractive/overweight man, or a religious zealot. When I looked at her, I know I had many questions in my own mind. She has become a beautiful woman, apparently unmarried. Was she at church seeking God? Was she there as moral support for her mother? What has happened to her in the last ten years? Has she made poor choices that she wishes she could take back? Has her heart been broken, and has she had to rebuild her life? Maybe she has lost her faith in herself, in others, or even in God? I wonder these things, because my own experiences tell me that such things happen. Could she see the past hurt and regret in me? I was too aware of my own thoughts and emotions, and it became uncomfortable to talk to her.
Seeing Shelly there, a person all but forgotten from my past, suddenly reflected my own past life before me. So much happens to a person during their lives, and most of us have no idea. On the surface she was beautiful and happy, but inside who knows? Seeing her today reminded me that we are all very complex creatures, and hard to judge from the outside. This is something that really made me think. There may be those around you that you pass by daily who could be suffering from horrible events, or even rejoicing from fantastic accomplishments. It could be that we are missing many chances to be true friends to those who seem to be just fine, or maybe judging someone too harshly for their outer behavior when they are hurting inside.
Accountability: I was unhappy with the presentation of the Sunday School lesson yet again today. I will try not to be too critical of the volunteers or the church, but the message was all wrong. It frustrates me because this happens a lot lately. Anyway, the message today was starting a series about the armor of God. The first unit was about the figurative "helmet." The teachers had students come up to the front of the class, and role play situations where you should use the helmet. In each case, the play would not progress until a student named a sin they had committed. At this point, the teacher asked "who told/made you to do this sin?" and the student was to reply "Satan."
This angered me because it completely destroys accountability. Christians need to understand that Satan is not the source of all sin. Each one of us is equally as responsible for our bad actions as we are for our good. If we sin, and blame the devil, then we are removing ourselves from any guilt or accountability. The image that comes to mind is the Nazi commanders that said the atrocities they performed during WWII were only orders they were compelled to carry out for a mad and evil leader. In the world of Christian theology, Satan may introduce temptation, but he cannot make you sin. Likewise, our own sinful "flesh" may cause us to be tempted. We are not creatures doomed to failure, just as we are not beings that default to righteousness. Our existence is the embodiment of free will, and while the forces of God and Satan may conspire to lead us in particular directions, I think the Bible is clear that we are responsible to make our own choices, and ultimately be held solely accountable for our actions. If this was not the case, and humans were just pawns between the two, then God would be dealing immediately with Satan rather than man in his covenants.
Making these children act out scenarios where the devil is blamed for all wrong only encourages a lack of accountability. And lacking accountability, we are often convinced that we are helpless to sin, and therefore do not resist it when opportunities arise. I had a problem with this subtle issue in the lesson today.
Worship: I have found myself almost completely unhappy singing at church. The songs we sing do not reflect my inner thoughts, and I don;t particularly like to sing as it is. The words are repetitive and seem to be overly composed. By that I mean they are poetic and artistic, but not reflective of any real emotion for me. I don;t think God wants to hear me sing things that I do not mean. Do you? If you were God would that make you happy? I find it hard to think that me calling God by names I cannot even pronounce, or saying that nothing is as valuable to me as Him (when I often struggle with placing him even in the top 5 things in my life) is morally wrong.
So I find myself standing there silent, trying to smile and avoid looks from others who are singing their hearts out. Our church has become more contemporary in worship, and with that has come a culture of hand waving and raising. Again, I do not feel moved to do this, but I stick out like a sore thumb as I stand still. Worship has become an uncomfortable time for me. Church is a bad place to be when you are full of questions and doubt, because a lot of what happens on Sunday morning is on auto-pilot. As with most things, it is up to yourself to take care of what you need. Anyway, at least I enjoy the sermons, and learn a great deal from them.
WOW! That was a negative entry. Sorry about that. And I didn't even get to the part where I was upset that people are using the Passion of Christ movie as motivation and illustration in their Sunday messages (we had the book all along, why is this movie so important now?).
But anyway, I feel better now! It was nice to see Shelly, and I would have liked to talked to her more. I love the children at church, and I am glad I can be a part of their lives. Lastly, I think that if there is a God, he surely is worth a heartfelt and enthusiastic praise, not just the sounds of a human musicbox. See, I can be positive! :)
This coming week I will talk about the Council Bluffs tour I am hosting, some misconceptions about science that lead to further ignorance, a few understandings I have come to about myself, and a bunch of nonsense, I am sure. Have a great week friends!
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