Wednesday, March 31, 2004
A long Blog about Liberal Radio, Pharmacy School, Dinosaur Butts, and God as a Ghost.
Hello! Before I talk about the dinosaurs, I want to keep you all up to date with what is going on.
I want to quickly mention that a new radio network went "on the air" today in the USA. It is called Air America, and it feature liberal talk show hosts. This is allegedly to counter out the rest of talk radio, which truly is dominated by either convervatives or moderates. It will be nice to hear some different views, but it is not available in my area yet. The thing I worry about is that the talk show hosts will fall victim to the same traps that the right-wing hosts did; and that is arrogance and abrasiveness. If we are going to talk about issues, I expect a little open mindedness by the host. If they are going to be the talk equivalent of flame throwers, I have no use for it... and I think most listeners agree. We have had enough name calling and arrogance... isn't it time we had intelligent discussions? Anyway, more on this when I get to hear it. Two of my favorite people have shows on this network: Al Franken (who is very funny, and has a good sense of when to lampoon something, and when to take a stand), and Frank Conniff (who was TV's Frank on Mystery Science Theater 3000).
Tomorrow I have a meeting at Creighton University to discuss the criteria used against me in my rejection. Then I get to have lunch with someone who I really like to spend time with, but never have any reason to. Then its back into serious mode, as I have another meeting with a Doctor in the toxicology department. He offered to meet me, and see if he can help apply political pressure on the pharmacy school to accept me. :) So, I don't want to pass that up! If it goes well, I can use him as a reference next time I apply.
Which brings up one point: I am going to apply again. I am not going to give up. Maybe the meeting will change my mind, but for the moment I am a little renewed in my thirst to be a pharmacist. It is hard for me to give up, because I know I can do this. All I can do is assume that I will get my break eventually.
Maybe someday down the road, I will look back on this and see how destructive it was to not let go before I wasted too much time and money. I can;t bother myself with that sort of thinking right now, I need to be progressive and positive. Time moves in one direction (regardless of what Stephen Hawking says), and I need to learn to only move in that direction.
But isn't it funny how we become slaves to the "little things" we do in our past? A small decision here or there sometimes grows and grows until it changes a significant part of your life. This could have to do with job choices, school choices, the choice to goof around instead of study, to eat poorly, to develop good (or bad) exercise habits, or even which friends you make or avoid. All of these little things send echoes through your life.
A perfect example of this is the little "something" that a dinosaur left behind, millions of years ago, in Utah. This month scientists were hard at work preparing a location for use as a dinosaur museum. Little did they know that they would find a rare and amazing discovery right on the site!
The paleontologist found the impressions made by a dinosaurs butt, as it squatted (presumably near a source of water). It sat down, got up and walked a few steps (the footprints are also visualized), and sat again. The reason this is so amazing is because 1) the odds are against butt prints being visualized, and 2) dinosaurs were not thought to squat. Such a meaningless gesture by an animal, yet it has rocked the scientific world (at least those of us who follow stories about dinosaurs).
A huge dilemma faces the scientists... soon the construction vehicles will be coming through, and in order to preserve the area they wished to turn into a museum, the butt prints will be destroyed. They are doing all they can to measure, photograph, take samples, and chronicle these little prints. These men and women are racing against time to cling onto some shred of proof that these prints exist at all, because soon they may not.
I see a lot in this story; humor, scientific interest, and allegory to our lives. But I also see a link to my search for truth. You see, having a piece of physical evidence is the highest proof that something exists. Right now the scientists can walk, sit, measure, and photograph the prints. But in a year, the prints may not exist at all, except in the memories of the scientists (and impressions and photos they took).
Either way, the prints only point to the fact that a dinosaur once sat there. But what do we know about the dinosaur? What color was it? Was it sitting because it was tired, alarmed, or injured? Was it a male or a female? How aware was it of the world around it? If the scientists were to be truthful, they might admit that there is a possibility that the prints aren't proof of a dinosaur at all; maybe they are the result of a coincidental geological event.
Is God like these prints? In our lives, the notion of God sort of exists as a ghost of who He may or may not be. We go on the words passed to us by others; memories handed down over and over. Some "evidence" for God does exist, but none of it seems to be singularly conclusive (or else we all wouldn;t struggle so much in our search for the meaning of it all). Is the fact we seek God an impression that is left on us from an earlier contact with Him in history? Or does He even exist at all?
It seems odd to me that large impressions in sandy rock near a dinosaur museum would happen to belong to a dinosaurs butt. Maybe these scientists think so much about dinosaurs, that two dimples in the earth conjure proof that they walked nearby ages ago. Is our search for God the same? Do we search for Him so much that we cling to coincidental events as proof of His existence? I think it would be much easier for the scientists to prove dinosaurs than us to prove God.
These are all tough questions to deal with. They speak to the very soul of our existence. What do we know is real about the past, and about the so-called spiritual realm? Are we being subjective or objective? And, most of all, if we can assume that the ghosts in our memory are from God, what do we really know about Him from those ghosts?
I will keep searching for truth, and posting blogs about my thoughts on these things. Have a great week, and as always, thanks for reading my site!
PS - Thanks to Maki for her fun picture she sent me, it cheered me up. I always welcome email, especially pictures! Atsuko sent me a recipe I want to try; thank you very much as well. And thanks to Sara for offering to have lunch with me tomorrow... it is going to be a nervous time for me tomorrow, and a familiar face will be very nice! Thanks for your undeserved friendship!
I want to quickly mention that a new radio network went "on the air" today in the USA. It is called Air America, and it feature liberal talk show hosts. This is allegedly to counter out the rest of talk radio, which truly is dominated by either convervatives or moderates. It will be nice to hear some different views, but it is not available in my area yet. The thing I worry about is that the talk show hosts will fall victim to the same traps that the right-wing hosts did; and that is arrogance and abrasiveness. If we are going to talk about issues, I expect a little open mindedness by the host. If they are going to be the talk equivalent of flame throwers, I have no use for it... and I think most listeners agree. We have had enough name calling and arrogance... isn't it time we had intelligent discussions? Anyway, more on this when I get to hear it. Two of my favorite people have shows on this network: Al Franken (who is very funny, and has a good sense of when to lampoon something, and when to take a stand), and Frank Conniff (who was TV's Frank on Mystery Science Theater 3000).
Tomorrow I have a meeting at Creighton University to discuss the criteria used against me in my rejection. Then I get to have lunch with someone who I really like to spend time with, but never have any reason to. Then its back into serious mode, as I have another meeting with a Doctor in the toxicology department. He offered to meet me, and see if he can help apply political pressure on the pharmacy school to accept me. :) So, I don't want to pass that up! If it goes well, I can use him as a reference next time I apply.
Which brings up one point: I am going to apply again. I am not going to give up. Maybe the meeting will change my mind, but for the moment I am a little renewed in my thirst to be a pharmacist. It is hard for me to give up, because I know I can do this. All I can do is assume that I will get my break eventually.
Maybe someday down the road, I will look back on this and see how destructive it was to not let go before I wasted too much time and money. I can;t bother myself with that sort of thinking right now, I need to be progressive and positive. Time moves in one direction (regardless of what Stephen Hawking says), and I need to learn to only move in that direction.
But isn't it funny how we become slaves to the "little things" we do in our past? A small decision here or there sometimes grows and grows until it changes a significant part of your life. This could have to do with job choices, school choices, the choice to goof around instead of study, to eat poorly, to develop good (or bad) exercise habits, or even which friends you make or avoid. All of these little things send echoes through your life.
A perfect example of this is the little "something" that a dinosaur left behind, millions of years ago, in Utah. This month scientists were hard at work preparing a location for use as a dinosaur museum. Little did they know that they would find a rare and amazing discovery right on the site!
The paleontologist found the impressions made by a dinosaurs butt, as it squatted (presumably near a source of water). It sat down, got up and walked a few steps (the footprints are also visualized), and sat again. The reason this is so amazing is because 1) the odds are against butt prints being visualized, and 2) dinosaurs were not thought to squat. Such a meaningless gesture by an animal, yet it has rocked the scientific world (at least those of us who follow stories about dinosaurs).
A huge dilemma faces the scientists... soon the construction vehicles will be coming through, and in order to preserve the area they wished to turn into a museum, the butt prints will be destroyed. They are doing all they can to measure, photograph, take samples, and chronicle these little prints. These men and women are racing against time to cling onto some shred of proof that these prints exist at all, because soon they may not.
I see a lot in this story; humor, scientific interest, and allegory to our lives. But I also see a link to my search for truth. You see, having a piece of physical evidence is the highest proof that something exists. Right now the scientists can walk, sit, measure, and photograph the prints. But in a year, the prints may not exist at all, except in the memories of the scientists (and impressions and photos they took).
Either way, the prints only point to the fact that a dinosaur once sat there. But what do we know about the dinosaur? What color was it? Was it sitting because it was tired, alarmed, or injured? Was it a male or a female? How aware was it of the world around it? If the scientists were to be truthful, they might admit that there is a possibility that the prints aren't proof of a dinosaur at all; maybe they are the result of a coincidental geological event.
Is God like these prints? In our lives, the notion of God sort of exists as a ghost of who He may or may not be. We go on the words passed to us by others; memories handed down over and over. Some "evidence" for God does exist, but none of it seems to be singularly conclusive (or else we all wouldn;t struggle so much in our search for the meaning of it all). Is the fact we seek God an impression that is left on us from an earlier contact with Him in history? Or does He even exist at all?
It seems odd to me that large impressions in sandy rock near a dinosaur museum would happen to belong to a dinosaurs butt. Maybe these scientists think so much about dinosaurs, that two dimples in the earth conjure proof that they walked nearby ages ago. Is our search for God the same? Do we search for Him so much that we cling to coincidental events as proof of His existence? I think it would be much easier for the scientists to prove dinosaurs than us to prove God.
These are all tough questions to deal with. They speak to the very soul of our existence. What do we know is real about the past, and about the so-called spiritual realm? Are we being subjective or objective? And, most of all, if we can assume that the ghosts in our memory are from God, what do we really know about Him from those ghosts?
I will keep searching for truth, and posting blogs about my thoughts on these things. Have a great week, and as always, thanks for reading my site!
PS - Thanks to Maki for her fun picture she sent me, it cheered me up. I always welcome email, especially pictures! Atsuko sent me a recipe I want to try; thank you very much as well. And thanks to Sara for offering to have lunch with me tomorrow... it is going to be a nervous time for me tomorrow, and a familiar face will be very nice! Thanks for your undeserved friendship!
Sunday, March 28, 2004
My two favorite animals
As I mentioned at the end of my previous blog, I want to talk a little about my favorite animals. However, this weekend was a little busier than I had hoped. So I will mention each briefly, and in coming blogs I will talk about them a little more.
My all time favorite animal is one that is very close to my heart. It is the coelacanth. The coelacanth is a very rare fish, only found around the southern waters of Africa. The coelacanth is often referred to as the dino-fish, because it is an exact replica of fishes caught in fossils from millions of years ago. It would appear that time, and evolution, have past this fish by.
The coelacanth has many features that make it mysterious, other than its unchanged anatomy. For starters, it is very hard to find. The estimations of how many there are are very low, and there are many groups who are fighting to prevent the poaching of these beautiful and special creatures. Also, the fish itself has two biological features that we don't get to study that often. One is a precursor to spinal cords called a noto-cord. It is filled with spinal fluid, but is not a skeletal feature.
The coelacanth also has two extra fleshy appendages on its belly that resemble a missing link between fins and legs. Scientists who studied it shortly after its "rediscovery" in 1938 assumed it used these "legs" to walk about the ocean floor. However, studies of the fish in its habitat show no such behavior. It remains a mystery if this fish was the uncle to the first amphibian. Perhaps the fins are vestigial, former legs no longer needed by a creature that found survival in the ocean's niche a much better place.
Two more things make this fish magical. One is that it will not live in captivity. Every attempt to capture one for an aquarium, or shallow water observation, have ended up with the fish dying. This fish will not submit to science! :) And secondly, the fish, when it senses danger, stands on its head! Researchers are baffled by this, and one assumption is that it is aligning it's organs to receive some sort of electrical impulse to help it "see" attackers (sort of like a radar).
I love this fish! I will explain why at a later time.
My second favorite animal is not alive at all (or is it?). It is the virtual pet. In the late 1990's, these computerized toys swelled with popularity. They ranged from key chain sized toys to large stuffed animals. They usually start off as an egg, and the more you care for it, the better and bigger it gets.
I am addicted to these still. They pop up in video games all of the time. I find myself becoming consumed with raising these artificial life forms, and caring for them. We cannot have pets in my apartment complex, so this is a nice way for me to share a little love with a pet (even though it is only electronic). The only problem is, inevitably these pets die, and I get very sad. It is funny how attached you can get to such things. For this reason, I try to stay away from them as best I can. I no longer own any fuzzy dolls that purr at me, or key chains that buzz at me when they are "hungry," but now and then on my video games, I spend hours feeding, playing with, training, and disciplining my virtual pets.
I will talk about this later too!
I hope this week goes better than last week. Thank you to every one who has given me words of encouragement. I will try to keep my hopes and dreams, and find a way to live my life in the meantime. Thanks again! I don't have many friends, but the ones that I have keep me going! Domo arigato gozaimasu!
My all time favorite animal is one that is very close to my heart. It is the coelacanth. The coelacanth is a very rare fish, only found around the southern waters of Africa. The coelacanth is often referred to as the dino-fish, because it is an exact replica of fishes caught in fossils from millions of years ago. It would appear that time, and evolution, have past this fish by.
The coelacanth has many features that make it mysterious, other than its unchanged anatomy. For starters, it is very hard to find. The estimations of how many there are are very low, and there are many groups who are fighting to prevent the poaching of these beautiful and special creatures. Also, the fish itself has two biological features that we don't get to study that often. One is a precursor to spinal cords called a noto-cord. It is filled with spinal fluid, but is not a skeletal feature.
The coelacanth also has two extra fleshy appendages on its belly that resemble a missing link between fins and legs. Scientists who studied it shortly after its "rediscovery" in 1938 assumed it used these "legs" to walk about the ocean floor. However, studies of the fish in its habitat show no such behavior. It remains a mystery if this fish was the uncle to the first amphibian. Perhaps the fins are vestigial, former legs no longer needed by a creature that found survival in the ocean's niche a much better place.
Two more things make this fish magical. One is that it will not live in captivity. Every attempt to capture one for an aquarium, or shallow water observation, have ended up with the fish dying. This fish will not submit to science! :) And secondly, the fish, when it senses danger, stands on its head! Researchers are baffled by this, and one assumption is that it is aligning it's organs to receive some sort of electrical impulse to help it "see" attackers (sort of like a radar).
I love this fish! I will explain why at a later time.
My second favorite animal is not alive at all (or is it?). It is the virtual pet. In the late 1990's, these computerized toys swelled with popularity. They ranged from key chain sized toys to large stuffed animals. They usually start off as an egg, and the more you care for it, the better and bigger it gets.
I am addicted to these still. They pop up in video games all of the time. I find myself becoming consumed with raising these artificial life forms, and caring for them. We cannot have pets in my apartment complex, so this is a nice way for me to share a little love with a pet (even though it is only electronic). The only problem is, inevitably these pets die, and I get very sad. It is funny how attached you can get to such things. For this reason, I try to stay away from them as best I can. I no longer own any fuzzy dolls that purr at me, or key chains that buzz at me when they are "hungry," but now and then on my video games, I spend hours feeding, playing with, training, and disciplining my virtual pets.
I will talk about this later too!
I hope this week goes better than last week. Thank you to every one who has given me words of encouragement. I will try to keep my hopes and dreams, and find a way to live my life in the meantime. Thanks again! I don't have many friends, but the ones that I have keep me going! Domo arigato gozaimasu!
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Who do we turn to for justice?
Hello friends! My web site is back in business after a few days off. BEfore you start reading, I want to assure you that the next paragraph is not an indication of how the whole post is going to be. There is some bad news in it, but I get away from that soon enough. I just don;t want my website to be negative! (:
In the days since I posted last, I was notified that I was not accepted to Creighton University. This means I will not be in pharmacy school for another year. This was very disappointing, and makes me very sad. It is more than rejection; it is a total smashing of my spirit. I feel like I cannot handle any more disappointment in my life. But I also know that I will be a great pharmacist someday; I am just not sure how or when I will ever find acceptance into school. I am 29 years old now, and do not want my life to slip away as I continue to fail. I also do not want to give up! It is a bad time to be Carl Smith right now.
But instead of dwelling on negativity, I want to use it to bring up a topic interesting to me. When something horrible like this happens the first thing you want to do is appeal to someone of authority for justice. When I found out, I immediately wished I knew someone within the college to call. I would hope that this imaginary person would make an appeal for me, and set everything right.
In everyday life, we often long for this sort of justice. When my car is running poorly, my first instinct is to call my father. When I am in financial trouble, I also think of my dad. When my neighbors are being disrespectful and loud at 3 AM, I want to call the apartment manager. When someone almost runs into me while driving, I want to tell the cops.
All of us feel frailty within our souls. We often feel powerless to confront the chaotic and unfair events life throws at us. Within our cultures, we have set up systems of authority to help meet this need for arbitration. We appoint judges, police, chiefs, governors, presidents, and so on.
This human need to appeal to someone who empathizes with us, yet owns a greater influence and power than us, seems to be universal. It could be that this human trait has led us to establish gods. God represents the ultimate symbol of empathetic justice. Does man crave God because he created us to long for him, or does man say God exists because our brains are coincidentally hardwired to seek a greater meaning, purpose, and justice?
In the coming weeks I want to address the notion of God, and explore the possible reasons mankind seems to long for religion. I don’t want to solve the question of God, but I want to offer a thoughtful look into the possibility that man and God are two concepts that are currently inseparable. (I’ll explain what I mean by “currently” in future posts).
Have a nice day. Thanks in advance for your empathy about my denial to pharmacy school, and I promise I will try not to bring my sadness into my correspondence or web site. Until next time, enjoy spring! Tomorrow I am going to write about my two favorite animals on the entire planet. Can you guess what they are?
In the days since I posted last, I was notified that I was not accepted to Creighton University. This means I will not be in pharmacy school for another year. This was very disappointing, and makes me very sad. It is more than rejection; it is a total smashing of my spirit. I feel like I cannot handle any more disappointment in my life. But I also know that I will be a great pharmacist someday; I am just not sure how or when I will ever find acceptance into school. I am 29 years old now, and do not want my life to slip away as I continue to fail. I also do not want to give up! It is a bad time to be Carl Smith right now.
But instead of dwelling on negativity, I want to use it to bring up a topic interesting to me. When something horrible like this happens the first thing you want to do is appeal to someone of authority for justice. When I found out, I immediately wished I knew someone within the college to call. I would hope that this imaginary person would make an appeal for me, and set everything right.
In everyday life, we often long for this sort of justice. When my car is running poorly, my first instinct is to call my father. When I am in financial trouble, I also think of my dad. When my neighbors are being disrespectful and loud at 3 AM, I want to call the apartment manager. When someone almost runs into me while driving, I want to tell the cops.
All of us feel frailty within our souls. We often feel powerless to confront the chaotic and unfair events life throws at us. Within our cultures, we have set up systems of authority to help meet this need for arbitration. We appoint judges, police, chiefs, governors, presidents, and so on.
This human need to appeal to someone who empathizes with us, yet owns a greater influence and power than us, seems to be universal. It could be that this human trait has led us to establish gods. God represents the ultimate symbol of empathetic justice. Does man crave God because he created us to long for him, or does man say God exists because our brains are coincidentally hardwired to seek a greater meaning, purpose, and justice?
In the coming weeks I want to address the notion of God, and explore the possible reasons mankind seems to long for religion. I don’t want to solve the question of God, but I want to offer a thoughtful look into the possibility that man and God are two concepts that are currently inseparable. (I’ll explain what I mean by “currently” in future posts).
Have a nice day. Thanks in advance for your empathy about my denial to pharmacy school, and I promise I will try not to bring my sadness into my correspondence or web site. Until next time, enjoy spring! Tomorrow I am going to write about my two favorite animals on the entire planet. Can you guess what they are?
Monday, March 22, 2004
Worrying about my worries
First things first: I received my first letter back from a pharmacy college. It was from Drake University. I was not accepted. This is a very depressing thing to happen. But, Creighton University is my dream college, and I am hoping that I will be accepted there. I will know between 2 - 3 weeks from Creighton. So, I am very stressed, and worried. For the next two days I am going to shut down operations a little bit, so I may not be updating Blog or sending email until Wednesday or Thursday. Be thinking and praying for me as my future is being decided!
Okay, on to today's blog. I had so much on my mind, I had a hard time focusing it all into one topic for today. Life can be so crazy, so hard...
I thought of a list of things that cause me stress, and I tried to evaluate which items can be helped, which were out of my control, and which are simply needless worry. My list is below, but I will not type how I categorized each item. I would suggest that maybe you all take time to seek your own soul now and then to see where your worries are coming from, and if you can lose any of them. To me, worrying is a thief. It steals your focus from the good things in life, and cause you to waste energy on matters you cannot "fix" on your own. Some items really do deserve attention and energy, but I think 90% of our stress comes from needless worry. I would challege everyone, my self included, to confront each of your worries this week.
Carl's worries (in no particular order)
1. Pharmacy School. I know this is what I want to do, and I know that I am qualified for the job. All I need is the opportunity to prove myself. As I get older, I am running out of time to wait. I need to get in soon. Admission to pharmacy school represents a lot of my hopes: my financial freedom, ability to repay student loans, a vocation through which I can help people, work that is stimulating to my mind, and also validation that I have finally grown up and can tackle any challenge. Entrance is the final goal of my personal hard work over the last four years.
2. My faith. I struggle with finding where I belong in life, and what I believe about the universe around me. I have a hard time defining what I believe in. I want to think these things through very carefully, and I take my faith seriously. I think that sometimes people think that I do not, since I tend to question Christianity so much... but shouldn't we all take great care in researching what we pin our hopes on? I have a hard time deciding if my belief in Jesus is wishful thinking or based in any reality. Did my conversion in high school, and time in Bible college make me "brainwashed" to the point where I will always cling to God? Does my fascination with science cause me to be overly critical of religion? Can God love and forgive an agnostic who honestly just wants the truth? You have no idea how many debates I have within my own head daily about spiritual matters.
3. Love. Its hard to talk about for me, but I want love in my life. I feel like there are times that I have been blessed, and other times where I am spinning my wheels. There are so many different kinds of love, and I want to make sure my life is balanced with all of them. I am jealous of people who seem to have what love I do not, but often thankful for the love I do have. My heart has become sensitive over the last few years, and I spend a lot of time pondering relationships. Friendship, fatherhood, mentoring, brotherly love, soul-mate, childhood, neighbor, and sexual love all are very important to me, as they are with any human. To me, life is about finding love... but then again I know that there is more to love than the reactions of emotions, that so much love is based on effort and hard work.
I hope that I can maintain my integrity, find happiness, and experience all of the love I can... and it is confusing as I think about it. I am nearly 30 years old and I find myself getting crushes still. Sometimes I long for a child of my own, sometimes I wish for a stronger relationship with those in my community who are in need, and other times I long for relationships I simply will never have, like close relationships with my grandparents (who are all passed away) or sexual encounters (that may offend every moral I need to obey). I find myself confused about how I relate to those around me. How do I feel about these people? Have I inappropriately fell in love with them, or is it merely a strong friendship? Do those I feel strong friendship for misunderstand me as loving them? Have I scared friends away because of misunderstanding over feelings, or have I myself avoided people because of misunderstanding? Do I treat my old friends poorly because I cannot stay in touch with them, or is it better than I slowly let the Carl of the past die? Should I apologize for things in the past, when I was a lesser person, or do people understand I am growing up (finally)? Am I growing up at all or am I still a child? Who am I to others, and is it the same as I am to myself? I wonder, do other people agonize over these things?
4. Money. It seems to be a worry that never goes away. I have many levels of worry. My immediate debt (which is low by USA standards, but still overwhelming to me), my student loan debt (that will be due one day or another), how I will pay for Pharmacy School, wishing to be able to afford to buy a home, fearing my car will break down, wondering if I could afford medical problems if I needed to, and so on. I have been fortunate lately to not have to worry about if I can afford food, or rent money. I have a blessed life, and every month I get better and better at living BELOW my means. I wish I could live as Gandhi or Jesus did, without any ties to material things. Material things are traps that suck away time, energy, and money. Yet, I never seem to deny myself a new manga book or soda pop! :(
5. My health. I am overweight, as much of America is. I really have let myself go. It has been over 5 months since I have exercised, and I eat poorly. I worry about health problems in the future for my overuse of caffeine, sugar, and fat. I am not very flexible, I run out of breath easily, and I cannot life very much weight. Already I have felt troubles in my knees from the extra weight. I weight 225 pounds, and the idea weight for my height (6'0") and age (29) is 170 pounds. I have a lot of work to do! I hope I can get motivated soon, before it is too late. I already fear that my fat tummy will be with me always! Being in bad shape also attacks your self esteem. I do not feel as if I ever look good in my clothes. I have a hard time going swimming because I am ashamed of my belly and lack of muscles. Sigh. I guess at least my brain is strong! :)
There are other worries, but I will stop with these ones. These cover most everything. It is sort of embarrassing to admit our worries, but it is nice when you realize you aren't the only one who has troubled thoughts. I am not, am I?
Spring is here now, and that means more time with nature. My worries seem to fade temporarily when I ride my bike, or walk in the woods, or even read a book near the lake. I am finding myself becoming more of an outdoorsman (although to look at my physical self you would never guess that). So, I say bring on the warm sun and green grass. Soon I will be peddling my bike over moderate distances, and getting fresh air into my lazy lungs. Hopefully when I exhale, worries will leave my body! (and maybe the worries will take some fat with them).
Good bye, and I will talk to you in a few days. Please write me still, I will need the encouragement. Have a fantastic week! (and be sure to pray that Creighton accepts me this year!)
Okay, on to today's blog. I had so much on my mind, I had a hard time focusing it all into one topic for today. Life can be so crazy, so hard...
I thought of a list of things that cause me stress, and I tried to evaluate which items can be helped, which were out of my control, and which are simply needless worry. My list is below, but I will not type how I categorized each item. I would suggest that maybe you all take time to seek your own soul now and then to see where your worries are coming from, and if you can lose any of them. To me, worrying is a thief. It steals your focus from the good things in life, and cause you to waste energy on matters you cannot "fix" on your own. Some items really do deserve attention and energy, but I think 90% of our stress comes from needless worry. I would challege everyone, my self included, to confront each of your worries this week.
Carl's worries (in no particular order)
1. Pharmacy School. I know this is what I want to do, and I know that I am qualified for the job. All I need is the opportunity to prove myself. As I get older, I am running out of time to wait. I need to get in soon. Admission to pharmacy school represents a lot of my hopes: my financial freedom, ability to repay student loans, a vocation through which I can help people, work that is stimulating to my mind, and also validation that I have finally grown up and can tackle any challenge. Entrance is the final goal of my personal hard work over the last four years.
2. My faith. I struggle with finding where I belong in life, and what I believe about the universe around me. I have a hard time defining what I believe in. I want to think these things through very carefully, and I take my faith seriously. I think that sometimes people think that I do not, since I tend to question Christianity so much... but shouldn't we all take great care in researching what we pin our hopes on? I have a hard time deciding if my belief in Jesus is wishful thinking or based in any reality. Did my conversion in high school, and time in Bible college make me "brainwashed" to the point where I will always cling to God? Does my fascination with science cause me to be overly critical of religion? Can God love and forgive an agnostic who honestly just wants the truth? You have no idea how many debates I have within my own head daily about spiritual matters.
3. Love. Its hard to talk about for me, but I want love in my life. I feel like there are times that I have been blessed, and other times where I am spinning my wheels. There are so many different kinds of love, and I want to make sure my life is balanced with all of them. I am jealous of people who seem to have what love I do not, but often thankful for the love I do have. My heart has become sensitive over the last few years, and I spend a lot of time pondering relationships. Friendship, fatherhood, mentoring, brotherly love, soul-mate, childhood, neighbor, and sexual love all are very important to me, as they are with any human. To me, life is about finding love... but then again I know that there is more to love than the reactions of emotions, that so much love is based on effort and hard work.
I hope that I can maintain my integrity, find happiness, and experience all of the love I can... and it is confusing as I think about it. I am nearly 30 years old and I find myself getting crushes still. Sometimes I long for a child of my own, sometimes I wish for a stronger relationship with those in my community who are in need, and other times I long for relationships I simply will never have, like close relationships with my grandparents (who are all passed away) or sexual encounters (that may offend every moral I need to obey). I find myself confused about how I relate to those around me. How do I feel about these people? Have I inappropriately fell in love with them, or is it merely a strong friendship? Do those I feel strong friendship for misunderstand me as loving them? Have I scared friends away because of misunderstanding over feelings, or have I myself avoided people because of misunderstanding? Do I treat my old friends poorly because I cannot stay in touch with them, or is it better than I slowly let the Carl of the past die? Should I apologize for things in the past, when I was a lesser person, or do people understand I am growing up (finally)? Am I growing up at all or am I still a child? Who am I to others, and is it the same as I am to myself? I wonder, do other people agonize over these things?
4. Money. It seems to be a worry that never goes away. I have many levels of worry. My immediate debt (which is low by USA standards, but still overwhelming to me), my student loan debt (that will be due one day or another), how I will pay for Pharmacy School, wishing to be able to afford to buy a home, fearing my car will break down, wondering if I could afford medical problems if I needed to, and so on. I have been fortunate lately to not have to worry about if I can afford food, or rent money. I have a blessed life, and every month I get better and better at living BELOW my means. I wish I could live as Gandhi or Jesus did, without any ties to material things. Material things are traps that suck away time, energy, and money. Yet, I never seem to deny myself a new manga book or soda pop! :(
5. My health. I am overweight, as much of America is. I really have let myself go. It has been over 5 months since I have exercised, and I eat poorly. I worry about health problems in the future for my overuse of caffeine, sugar, and fat. I am not very flexible, I run out of breath easily, and I cannot life very much weight. Already I have felt troubles in my knees from the extra weight. I weight 225 pounds, and the idea weight for my height (6'0") and age (29) is 170 pounds. I have a lot of work to do! I hope I can get motivated soon, before it is too late. I already fear that my fat tummy will be with me always! Being in bad shape also attacks your self esteem. I do not feel as if I ever look good in my clothes. I have a hard time going swimming because I am ashamed of my belly and lack of muscles. Sigh. I guess at least my brain is strong! :)
There are other worries, but I will stop with these ones. These cover most everything. It is sort of embarrassing to admit our worries, but it is nice when you realize you aren't the only one who has troubled thoughts. I am not, am I?
Spring is here now, and that means more time with nature. My worries seem to fade temporarily when I ride my bike, or walk in the woods, or even read a book near the lake. I am finding myself becoming more of an outdoorsman (although to look at my physical self you would never guess that). So, I say bring on the warm sun and green grass. Soon I will be peddling my bike over moderate distances, and getting fresh air into my lazy lungs. Hopefully when I exhale, worries will leave my body! (and maybe the worries will take some fat with them).
Good bye, and I will talk to you in a few days. Please write me still, I will need the encouragement. Have a fantastic week! (and be sure to pray that Creighton accepts me this year!)
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Colors, Clouds, and Hell: Another science entry
I am reading a book for my literature class that some of you may be familiar with. It is called "Paradise Lost." It is a fictional poem about Satan's rebellion against God, his founding of Hell as a kingdom, and his plan to trick mankind into sinning (Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit). The story also discusses if God is a tyrant, and if evil really can exist.
The point I find interesting has a lot to do with a major misconception people have about science. This may be a bit confusing, so I am warning you ahead of time. This isn't romantic or funny, it is science. But I think it is enjoyable any way! :)
In our dealings with the natural world, we are familiar with boundaries. If a knife hits your skin, it meets a boundary (and if you are unfortunate, it breeches the boundary). We like to establish boundaries as often as we can, so that everything we experience is categorized and easily identified. Therefore we have earth, air, and space. We have ice, water, and clouds. We have fruits, vegetables, animals, and man. And so on.
The human mind is formed to make these connections between the incoming data sets it receives. Without organizational clustering, we would probably lose our sanity (but then again, sanity and insanity may be relative groupings as well).
This need for definite boundaries is seen even in our theology. In many religions, each aspect of life has a different god. Christianity has one God, but even he has three "personalities" that we separate and name (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).
In the book I am reading, it mentions the Abyss. Traditionally, this is the area that Christian thinkers have recognized as the region of existence between Heaven and Hell, as well as between Hell and Earth/Heaven and Earth. Why would we need such a place?
The reason is because we have a hard time when we start to ponder questions about where something ends, and another thing begins. We don't like to think that there is a place where you are suddenly in Hell... one step back and you are not.
(Actually this is an old theory, since we no longer think of Hell and Heaven as literal locations on our maps, but rather as dimensions, a concept unknown to early Christians... perhaps another sign that Kuhn was right about paradigms, and how our understanding of all things is tied to our temporal lifespans and collected knowledge.)
This logical hardship causes one to place boundaries on nature that may not exist. We like limits and boundaries because it is convenient, not because of truth. The truth is, nothing ever really touches anything else. That knife that cuts your skin never touches you... there are microscopic magnetic, steric, and other -ic interactions that cause bonds to break, and there for the skin loses its integrity and splits. It is hard to think thisway, because it seems contrary to what we perceive. But it is closer to the truth.
This is a misconception I hear a lot of students stumble over. In my anthropology class, students often struggle with concepts of civilizations that change, or animals that form new species. This is because they look at a line that suddenly branches, and think 'there must have been one morning that all of these villagers woke up and suddenly decided to farm rather than hunt and gather.' Similarly, people struggle with the idea that one animal comes from another. They demand fossil evidence, not realizing the gradual path that we assume life evolves on (unless you believe in punctuated equilibrium).
Such a hard view on how things exist is only human, but incorrect. We need to look at the universe AS IT IS, not as we like it. This can be scary for us, because we like things to be in 'black and white.' We like right and wrong, male and female, night and day, yin and yang. But we all know that there are grey areas in almost every endeavor.
Taking the mentality that things are either "X or not X" can lead to all sorts of troubles. First of all, we waste a lot of time categorizing, and little time understanding. If we argue about whether particular fossil is 'human' or 'hominid', we are taking time away from discovery of what how that creature lived.
Second, we can fall into the trap of stereotypes. Categorizing items by being one way or the other is behind all of the worst racism and prejudice in the world. When we break people down into 'white' and 'black,' we forget that there are so many shades of each color, and color has no signal as to where a person is from, or how they think. A friend of mine at college was frustrated one day because a classmate continually refers to her as "the Chinese girl." She is from Thailand.
So like Milton's Satan, who has to traverse the Abyss to peek in on the planet Earth, many students struggle in the abyss of incorrect logic when they try to limit and bind data into neat groups.
To close, there are two examples that I use to explain proper thinking. Here they are below.
1] The easy one - think of how a child draws a rainbow. Assuming that the child draws the colors in the proper "prism" order (based on mean wavelengths), you would see several colors. It is easy to point out blue, red, green, and yellow. But we know that a real rainbow doesn't just contain these definite hues. There is an endless variety of wavelengths of light, therefore an endless variety in hues. Where does purple end and red begin? We have affixed colors with names for convenience, but that is not an accurate label for what is really happening. We should refer to each color by its wavelength (but that is so much more boring on the side of a crayon).
2] the hard one. Water, ice, and vapor are all the same. H20. But we name them separately. What we are really doing is giving a one-word indication of the pressure and temperature exerted on two hydrogens bonded to one oxygen. But consider a cloud. Where does a cloud start and end? It is hard to say, as the edges are constantly in flux.
You see, all of the atmosphere is actually one big cloud. The fluffy pillows we see floating lazily about are just areas of dense occurrence of H2O. About teh edges, parts of the cloud are continually being added (as density increases) or lost. So, we have invented mathematics called 'fractals' which studies this flux, and statistics (which studies average densities). What we have found is that reality works in line with these maths, and not with our common perceptions. In other words, things are not "X or Not X." They are "more X like or less X like."
So what exists in the universe, whether it is light, clouds, or degrees of heaven and hell, is graded. If you study statistics at all, you will understand that data can be collected into a bell curve. The lions share of the data falls around a mean value. This would be the area where we would state that something is reasonably X-like, therefore it is safe to call it X (the wavelengths are centered beween yellow and red enough to be safely called orange). But there are always variations, 1 to 3 standard deviations away, that do not accurately represent X. This is where how we handle the 'misconception' makes all of the difference.
Whew. Believe it or not, that was my condensed version. I hope that didn't turn you all off from visiting again. The weekend is coming, and with it Spring (and lots of basketball on TV), so I am excited! Have a great day and see you next time!
ps- The "variations" I spoke about above are essential to biology. This may be something worth your time to think about, and maybe I will address it in the future. Our you can email me if that interests you further.
The point I find interesting has a lot to do with a major misconception people have about science. This may be a bit confusing, so I am warning you ahead of time. This isn't romantic or funny, it is science. But I think it is enjoyable any way! :)
In our dealings with the natural world, we are familiar with boundaries. If a knife hits your skin, it meets a boundary (and if you are unfortunate, it breeches the boundary). We like to establish boundaries as often as we can, so that everything we experience is categorized and easily identified. Therefore we have earth, air, and space. We have ice, water, and clouds. We have fruits, vegetables, animals, and man. And so on.
The human mind is formed to make these connections between the incoming data sets it receives. Without organizational clustering, we would probably lose our sanity (but then again, sanity and insanity may be relative groupings as well).
This need for definite boundaries is seen even in our theology. In many religions, each aspect of life has a different god. Christianity has one God, but even he has three "personalities" that we separate and name (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost).
In the book I am reading, it mentions the Abyss. Traditionally, this is the area that Christian thinkers have recognized as the region of existence between Heaven and Hell, as well as between Hell and Earth/Heaven and Earth. Why would we need such a place?
The reason is because we have a hard time when we start to ponder questions about where something ends, and another thing begins. We don't like to think that there is a place where you are suddenly in Hell... one step back and you are not.
(Actually this is an old theory, since we no longer think of Hell and Heaven as literal locations on our maps, but rather as dimensions, a concept unknown to early Christians... perhaps another sign that Kuhn was right about paradigms, and how our understanding of all things is tied to our temporal lifespans and collected knowledge.)
This logical hardship causes one to place boundaries on nature that may not exist. We like limits and boundaries because it is convenient, not because of truth. The truth is, nothing ever really touches anything else. That knife that cuts your skin never touches you... there are microscopic magnetic, steric, and other -ic interactions that cause bonds to break, and there for the skin loses its integrity and splits. It is hard to think thisway, because it seems contrary to what we perceive. But it is closer to the truth.
This is a misconception I hear a lot of students stumble over. In my anthropology class, students often struggle with concepts of civilizations that change, or animals that form new species. This is because they look at a line that suddenly branches, and think 'there must have been one morning that all of these villagers woke up and suddenly decided to farm rather than hunt and gather.' Similarly, people struggle with the idea that one animal comes from another. They demand fossil evidence, not realizing the gradual path that we assume life evolves on (unless you believe in punctuated equilibrium).
Such a hard view on how things exist is only human, but incorrect. We need to look at the universe AS IT IS, not as we like it. This can be scary for us, because we like things to be in 'black and white.' We like right and wrong, male and female, night and day, yin and yang. But we all know that there are grey areas in almost every endeavor.
Taking the mentality that things are either "X or not X" can lead to all sorts of troubles. First of all, we waste a lot of time categorizing, and little time understanding. If we argue about whether particular fossil is 'human' or 'hominid', we are taking time away from discovery of what how that creature lived.
Second, we can fall into the trap of stereotypes. Categorizing items by being one way or the other is behind all of the worst racism and prejudice in the world. When we break people down into 'white' and 'black,' we forget that there are so many shades of each color, and color has no signal as to where a person is from, or how they think. A friend of mine at college was frustrated one day because a classmate continually refers to her as "the Chinese girl." She is from Thailand.
So like Milton's Satan, who has to traverse the Abyss to peek in on the planet Earth, many students struggle in the abyss of incorrect logic when they try to limit and bind data into neat groups.
To close, there are two examples that I use to explain proper thinking. Here they are below.
1] The easy one - think of how a child draws a rainbow. Assuming that the child draws the colors in the proper "prism" order (based on mean wavelengths), you would see several colors. It is easy to point out blue, red, green, and yellow. But we know that a real rainbow doesn't just contain these definite hues. There is an endless variety of wavelengths of light, therefore an endless variety in hues. Where does purple end and red begin? We have affixed colors with names for convenience, but that is not an accurate label for what is really happening. We should refer to each color by its wavelength (but that is so much more boring on the side of a crayon).
2] the hard one. Water, ice, and vapor are all the same. H20. But we name them separately. What we are really doing is giving a one-word indication of the pressure and temperature exerted on two hydrogens bonded to one oxygen. But consider a cloud. Where does a cloud start and end? It is hard to say, as the edges are constantly in flux.
You see, all of the atmosphere is actually one big cloud. The fluffy pillows we see floating lazily about are just areas of dense occurrence of H2O. About teh edges, parts of the cloud are continually being added (as density increases) or lost. So, we have invented mathematics called 'fractals' which studies this flux, and statistics (which studies average densities). What we have found is that reality works in line with these maths, and not with our common perceptions. In other words, things are not "X or Not X." They are "more X like or less X like."
So what exists in the universe, whether it is light, clouds, or degrees of heaven and hell, is graded. If you study statistics at all, you will understand that data can be collected into a bell curve. The lions share of the data falls around a mean value. This would be the area where we would state that something is reasonably X-like, therefore it is safe to call it X (the wavelengths are centered beween yellow and red enough to be safely called orange). But there are always variations, 1 to 3 standard deviations away, that do not accurately represent X. This is where how we handle the 'misconception' makes all of the difference.
Whew. Believe it or not, that was my condensed version. I hope that didn't turn you all off from visiting again. The weekend is coming, and with it Spring (and lots of basketball on TV), so I am excited! Have a great day and see you next time!
ps- The "variations" I spoke about above are essential to biology. This may be something worth your time to think about, and maybe I will address it in the future. Our you can email me if that interests you further.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
A day of simple pleasures
It was a nice day! I did many things that brought a little more energy and rest to my soul. It is always nice to enjoy life's simple pleasures when you can. Here is a list of what I did today.
The snow. We have had an unexpected snow storm here The weather is somewhat warm, so it is even more strange. After my first shift at work, I drove around town and took pictures of how Council Bluffs' trees look with snow stuck to them. The weather was perfect for enjoying snow, as the flakes were large, there was no bitter wind, and the sky was foggy and bright gray. The snow was wet, almost on the verge of turning back into water, so it made no noise at all as you walked on it. It was one of those rare days that fills with joy just to be able to experience the day. It was a nice, quiet time.
The monuments. I made a visit to two of my most sacred destinations; the Lewis and Clark monument, and the Black Angel monument. I spent much time at both, reflecting and enjoying the silence. At both places, I was the only one for as far as I could see.
The Black Angel is a memorial as well as a symbol of hope. When General Dodge's wife (Ruth Ann Dodge) saw the black angel in her dreams, it warned her of her own death in days to come, but also soothed her, telling her to drink from the bowl it offered, and to be blessed. She died just three days later while her family was sad, they were comforted to know she was in the angel's care.
The statue was built in 1919 by the same man who made the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC, and it is a beautiful monument. It is a solid bronze statue, that stands in a dais. In the summer there are small pools of water, and some flowers growing in a small garden. I cleared the snow from the memorial engraving, and took some pictures of the so-called 'Black Angel.' I could almost feel it telling me that the good spirits are watching over me (whether you call them angels or not).
The snow continued to fall. It felt like I was in another world as I walked among the snow covered gravestones to get to the Black Angel. The flakes were large, and seemed to be falling from just above the trees. I felt as if I was in a snow globe! The only thing I can imagine to be more beautiful than today would to be walking beneath falling cherry blossoms, something I hope to do someday.
At Lewis and Clark, I get a different vibe altogether. Since it was erected to commemorate the brave explorers, and the native Americans that helped them, the monument often gives me a spirit of adventure. A lot of things in my life are risky adventures... I have pinned a lot of time, money, and hopes into this pharmacy school business. I hope I get in. The Lewis and Clark monument renews my faith in myself, and says 'go for it! The safe road isn't always the best.' From that monument, I could see for miles..., getting a little glimpse of what untamed Iowa must have been like. The birds, deer, and rabbits also remind me that I have to take care of where I live, because others rely on Iowa's hills also!
After all of that I rushed to work, and got back into the daily madness of my life. All night I simply reflected on my day, and knew that no matter how others see me, I could be content and happy with myself. It was a day that renewed my drive and direction, and a day I needed very badly.
So as I end my day with this blog entry, and my nightly cup of green tea (ocha nomimasu), I want to say thanks for the snow, my fortunate free time this morning, and nature's beauty. Be ready to receive emailed pictures everyone. Goodnight!
PS - did you know that the word 'blog' isn't even in this website's spell check dictionary? How bizarre!
The snow. We have had an unexpected snow storm here The weather is somewhat warm, so it is even more strange. After my first shift at work, I drove around town and took pictures of how Council Bluffs' trees look with snow stuck to them. The weather was perfect for enjoying snow, as the flakes were large, there was no bitter wind, and the sky was foggy and bright gray. The snow was wet, almost on the verge of turning back into water, so it made no noise at all as you walked on it. It was one of those rare days that fills with joy just to be able to experience the day. It was a nice, quiet time.
The monuments. I made a visit to two of my most sacred destinations; the Lewis and Clark monument, and the Black Angel monument. I spent much time at both, reflecting and enjoying the silence. At both places, I was the only one for as far as I could see.
The Black Angel is a memorial as well as a symbol of hope. When General Dodge's wife (Ruth Ann Dodge) saw the black angel in her dreams, it warned her of her own death in days to come, but also soothed her, telling her to drink from the bowl it offered, and to be blessed. She died just three days later while her family was sad, they were comforted to know she was in the angel's care.
The statue was built in 1919 by the same man who made the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC, and it is a beautiful monument. It is a solid bronze statue, that stands in a dais. In the summer there are small pools of water, and some flowers growing in a small garden. I cleared the snow from the memorial engraving, and took some pictures of the so-called 'Black Angel.' I could almost feel it telling me that the good spirits are watching over me (whether you call them angels or not).
The snow continued to fall. It felt like I was in another world as I walked among the snow covered gravestones to get to the Black Angel. The flakes were large, and seemed to be falling from just above the trees. I felt as if I was in a snow globe! The only thing I can imagine to be more beautiful than today would to be walking beneath falling cherry blossoms, something I hope to do someday.
At Lewis and Clark, I get a different vibe altogether. Since it was erected to commemorate the brave explorers, and the native Americans that helped them, the monument often gives me a spirit of adventure. A lot of things in my life are risky adventures... I have pinned a lot of time, money, and hopes into this pharmacy school business. I hope I get in. The Lewis and Clark monument renews my faith in myself, and says 'go for it! The safe road isn't always the best.' From that monument, I could see for miles..., getting a little glimpse of what untamed Iowa must have been like. The birds, deer, and rabbits also remind me that I have to take care of where I live, because others rely on Iowa's hills also!
After all of that I rushed to work, and got back into the daily madness of my life. All night I simply reflected on my day, and knew that no matter how others see me, I could be content and happy with myself. It was a day that renewed my drive and direction, and a day I needed very badly.
So as I end my day with this blog entry, and my nightly cup of green tea (ocha nomimasu), I want to say thanks for the snow, my fortunate free time this morning, and nature's beauty. Be ready to receive emailed pictures everyone. Goodnight!
PS - did you know that the word 'blog' isn't even in this website's spell check dictionary? How bizarre!
Monday, March 15, 2004
The Passion
Hello again. This weekend I finally went to see The Passion of the Christ. I had a lot to say about it on Saturday, then on Sunday I thought better of writing anything... so today I think I will say a little and compromise.
First of all, I did not like the movie. I do not understand why the film was defended as being historical and accurate, and yet Mr. Gibson took some license with the events. I think the sycophantic praise that ministers are giving him for his "bravery" in making the movie is also misdirected. The movie itself tells very little that is shocking. He barely represents the resurrection, and the only miracle that is performed on-screen is one of potentially apocryphal nature. The movie says very little about Christ's ministry, and the only controversy is in whether all this happened or not.
True bravery would have been depicting Christ's ministry; the way he got in the face of the attitudes of the day. His challenging sermons and passionate relationships were far more intriguing than his public execution. If Mr. Gibson would have liked to raise eyebrows, he could have shown more of the resurrection, which is the cornerstone of the Jesus story. As is, you almost wonder if it really happened in the movie or if it was allegorical. The majority of the movie's preaching comes through Pilate and his wife, and the message is not 'love' (the greatest commandment), but 'truth' (which is the rallying cry of humanism).
A lot has been said about the violence. I think it was over done. The word on the street is that the movie finally shows it the way it happened. The truth is, it isn't. Afterall, this is a movie. Movies survive or die based on emotions it can evoke. The camera slows down gut wrenching scenes to make an impact, and sorrowful music plays in the background. The violent confrontations are filmed with crisp, exciting editing, and the sounds of beating are all included quite loudly. In real life, all of this would happen at one speed, sans music. I did not expect any different, but I have never been a fan of emotional puppeteering when it comes to religious messages. If there is truth, it will have an impact. One does not need to be "fluffed" for the punchline.
I did cry during the movie. It was hard not to. But it was because the music and camera were working in unison with the story to create a particular atmosphere. It wasn't an epiphany; it was a reaction. I have the same reaction in many other movies with no religious connotation.
Furthermore, I feel that Mr. Gibson treated Judas poorly, used the image of Satan inappropriately, made Herod into a fopp, added unnecessary symbolism, failed to make the reason for Jesus' martyrdom become clear, dealt far too long with scenes that were not even in the majority of the Gospel accounts (the man whose ear is cut off, and the man carrying Christ's cross), and failed to convince us that Jesus was really God's son.
The movie failed to ignite any sort of zeal in my spirit, and I left feeling the same way as I have in months past; unsure if I will ever be able to truly grasp the depth and width of this man we call Jesus. A friend of mine, Nate, said it was the best Jesus movie of all time. I think he is right, but I think that also shows us how superficial and cliche or treatments of this man have been.
To end on the positive note, I want to say two things. First of all, the movie will have something in it for everyone to think about. All of us will focus on one aspect or another, and take time to think it through. With me, I asked myself 'why was Judas needed to betray Jesus?' My question found an answer as the movie unfolded. The movie did a good job exposing the political relationships between the Romans and the Pharisees.
Lastly, the movie excelled in one important aspect; it made Jesus human. The thing we forget all too often is that while he was God, he was also a human being. The scenes of him praying in the Garden show his fear, and the flashbacks concerning Mary's reflections on Jesus' boyhood are amazingly poignant.
My friend Paul, who is a minister, and a saint that I admire, said that he felt this was not a good evangelistic movie. I agree wholeheartedly. If you do see it, you will have plenty to think about. You may want to spend some time with the Bible before and/or after, however, to answer some questions that the movie will inevitably raise.
Have a great day!
First of all, I did not like the movie. I do not understand why the film was defended as being historical and accurate, and yet Mr. Gibson took some license with the events. I think the sycophantic praise that ministers are giving him for his "bravery" in making the movie is also misdirected. The movie itself tells very little that is shocking. He barely represents the resurrection, and the only miracle that is performed on-screen is one of potentially apocryphal nature. The movie says very little about Christ's ministry, and the only controversy is in whether all this happened or not.
True bravery would have been depicting Christ's ministry; the way he got in the face of the attitudes of the day. His challenging sermons and passionate relationships were far more intriguing than his public execution. If Mr. Gibson would have liked to raise eyebrows, he could have shown more of the resurrection, which is the cornerstone of the Jesus story. As is, you almost wonder if it really happened in the movie or if it was allegorical. The majority of the movie's preaching comes through Pilate and his wife, and the message is not 'love' (the greatest commandment), but 'truth' (which is the rallying cry of humanism).
A lot has been said about the violence. I think it was over done. The word on the street is that the movie finally shows it the way it happened. The truth is, it isn't. Afterall, this is a movie. Movies survive or die based on emotions it can evoke. The camera slows down gut wrenching scenes to make an impact, and sorrowful music plays in the background. The violent confrontations are filmed with crisp, exciting editing, and the sounds of beating are all included quite loudly. In real life, all of this would happen at one speed, sans music. I did not expect any different, but I have never been a fan of emotional puppeteering when it comes to religious messages. If there is truth, it will have an impact. One does not need to be "fluffed" for the punchline.
I did cry during the movie. It was hard not to. But it was because the music and camera were working in unison with the story to create a particular atmosphere. It wasn't an epiphany; it was a reaction. I have the same reaction in many other movies with no religious connotation.
Furthermore, I feel that Mr. Gibson treated Judas poorly, used the image of Satan inappropriately, made Herod into a fopp, added unnecessary symbolism, failed to make the reason for Jesus' martyrdom become clear, dealt far too long with scenes that were not even in the majority of the Gospel accounts (the man whose ear is cut off, and the man carrying Christ's cross), and failed to convince us that Jesus was really God's son.
The movie failed to ignite any sort of zeal in my spirit, and I left feeling the same way as I have in months past; unsure if I will ever be able to truly grasp the depth and width of this man we call Jesus. A friend of mine, Nate, said it was the best Jesus movie of all time. I think he is right, but I think that also shows us how superficial and cliche or treatments of this man have been.
To end on the positive note, I want to say two things. First of all, the movie will have something in it for everyone to think about. All of us will focus on one aspect or another, and take time to think it through. With me, I asked myself 'why was Judas needed to betray Jesus?' My question found an answer as the movie unfolded. The movie did a good job exposing the political relationships between the Romans and the Pharisees.
Lastly, the movie excelled in one important aspect; it made Jesus human. The thing we forget all too often is that while he was God, he was also a human being. The scenes of him praying in the Garden show his fear, and the flashbacks concerning Mary's reflections on Jesus' boyhood are amazingly poignant.
My friend Paul, who is a minister, and a saint that I admire, said that he felt this was not a good evangelistic movie. I agree wholeheartedly. If you do see it, you will have plenty to think about. You may want to spend some time with the Bible before and/or after, however, to answer some questions that the movie will inevitably raise.
Have a great day!
Friday, March 12, 2004
konna ume o mita.
Hello again friends! I want to talk about of a couple things that I am doing to kill time between working twice a day and going to school! (it’s amazing I have any free time at all!)
I have been (slowly) translating chapters from Natsume Soseki’s “Ten Nights of Dreams.” This is a collection of Japanese short stories, and a masterpiece. The first chapter is the one that I am on, and it is about a man who loves a woman who is dying, Her last request is for him to bury her, and wait 100 years for her to “come back” for him. It is a fantastic love story. It even has made me have some strange dreams about falling in love, and about forsaking the world for the heart of a mystery dream woman. It has really effected me.
I started translating it because doing so really helps me to learn kanji (my dictionary is always near-by). I chose this book (and Rashomon/In a Grove) because of their ties to Kurosawa's movies. In the edition I have, there are English translations as well, so I can read the story to compare how good I translated.
The love story really touched me, and it made me again address my own life. In the last few years, my heart has become very tender. I think it has to do it being shattered, and the long processes of healing that I went through. I went through hard-hearted times, and a lot of bitterness and anger. All of those things still exist as ghosts within me, but for the most part I am at peace in my life.
I find myself falling in love easily, but not only in the romantic sense, but also in sentimental ways. I’m embarrassed to admit that I cry at the end of movies almost without fail, sometimes before the end. I recently bought a box set of Hayao Miyazaki’s movies. I can hardly watch Grave of the Fireflies, or Spirited Away without it effecting me. The same goes for the movies The Royal Tennenbaums, Rocky, and The Grapes of Wrath.
The few friends that I have I cherish dearly, and I spend a lot of time thinking about them. The heart is a weird thing. Woody Allen once said, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” I sort of understand what he means now. At times, its like I become very attached to things for no real reason at all. What can I say?
When I am not struggling with kanji and old-style Japanese grammar, I am killing my brain cells with manga and video games. My favorite manga right now are Rurouni Kenshin (which is about Japan’s Meiji era, and a samurai who becomes a pacifist, and wants to only fight to increase good in the world) and .Hack// (about an online role playing game that 20 million people play, but somehow it effects reality in mysterious ways). The games I am playing are also .hack// (there are anime too… it is a pretty immersive experience to be a fan of ‘dot hack sign’), and Final Fantasy. There is a word that gets used from time to time about people like me… otaku. It has to do with someone who will never grow up, and is so into manga comics, anime, and video games that it hinders them in real life. I may not be too much of an otaku, but I definitely don’t seem to be outgrowing these things anytime soon.
Have a great weekend and remember, I love you all! :)
I have been (slowly) translating chapters from Natsume Soseki’s “Ten Nights of Dreams.” This is a collection of Japanese short stories, and a masterpiece. The first chapter is the one that I am on, and it is about a man who loves a woman who is dying, Her last request is for him to bury her, and wait 100 years for her to “come back” for him. It is a fantastic love story. It even has made me have some strange dreams about falling in love, and about forsaking the world for the heart of a mystery dream woman. It has really effected me.
I started translating it because doing so really helps me to learn kanji (my dictionary is always near-by). I chose this book (and Rashomon/In a Grove) because of their ties to Kurosawa's movies. In the edition I have, there are English translations as well, so I can read the story to compare how good I translated.
The love story really touched me, and it made me again address my own life. In the last few years, my heart has become very tender. I think it has to do it being shattered, and the long processes of healing that I went through. I went through hard-hearted times, and a lot of bitterness and anger. All of those things still exist as ghosts within me, but for the most part I am at peace in my life.
I find myself falling in love easily, but not only in the romantic sense, but also in sentimental ways. I’m embarrassed to admit that I cry at the end of movies almost without fail, sometimes before the end. I recently bought a box set of Hayao Miyazaki’s movies. I can hardly watch Grave of the Fireflies, or Spirited Away without it effecting me. The same goes for the movies The Royal Tennenbaums, Rocky, and The Grapes of Wrath.
The few friends that I have I cherish dearly, and I spend a lot of time thinking about them. The heart is a weird thing. Woody Allen once said, “The heart wants what the heart wants.” I sort of understand what he means now. At times, its like I become very attached to things for no real reason at all. What can I say?
When I am not struggling with kanji and old-style Japanese grammar, I am killing my brain cells with manga and video games. My favorite manga right now are Rurouni Kenshin (which is about Japan’s Meiji era, and a samurai who becomes a pacifist, and wants to only fight to increase good in the world) and .Hack// (about an online role playing game that 20 million people play, but somehow it effects reality in mysterious ways). The games I am playing are also .hack// (there are anime too… it is a pretty immersive experience to be a fan of ‘dot hack sign’), and Final Fantasy. There is a word that gets used from time to time about people like me… otaku. It has to do with someone who will never grow up, and is so into manga comics, anime, and video games that it hinders them in real life. I may not be too much of an otaku, but I definitely don’t seem to be outgrowing these things anytime soon.
Have a great weekend and remember, I love you all! :)
Friday Part One: My Dad and Me
Haikei tomodachi,
I am sorry that I missed a day of posting! It has been busy this week. The post will be a little longer today to catch up, so I will break it into two. Ii desu ka?
This morning I got to spend some time with my dad. That doesn’t get to happen very often. It was a very nice time. We went to get coffee, and ended up spending two hours sitting and talking. We talked about many things (like Native American history, my grandfather’s bee farming days, money, the Bible, and so on), but one topic sticks out in my mind.
I got a lot of my attitudes in life from my father. He is what we call your typical blue-collar worker. This means that he is a laborer, and hasn’t a lot of money or education. He grew up on farms, joined the Army to fight in Vietnam, and has worked for an elevator construction company. He has a very community oriented philosophy, and hardly ever turns down a person in need. My father also will talk to anyone; he doesn’t have prejudices based on appearances.
One particular topic we talked about is the philosophy of paying others to do work for you. I am awful at automobile maintenance. I just never had an interest in repairing or reconditioning cars. So, if I have car troubles, I usually pay someone else to fix it. A lot of my friends will give me a hard time about this because many of the repairs can be done “easily” at home.
My theory on this is as follows: I have been blessed with a mind for science and math. I have used this gift, and desire for formal education, to start on the path to being a pharmacist. Pharmacists get paid the salaries that they do because not just anyone can step in and do that job. So, my talents have made it possible to make a living.
I see automotive repair the same way. A skilled mechanic has been blessed with a mind and body to fix cars. There is no shame in that profession (although society often looks down on mechanics). I do not have a problem with paying these men and women for their abilities. Why should I cut them out of their trade and livelihood to save a few bucks? It is true that I could save money, but it seems wrong to me to be so selfish. Besides, I don’t think that even the “simple” operations would turn out for the good of my car if I attempted them. Beyond airing up tires and changing oil, automobile repair is a mystery to me. I am thankful that there are those who enjoy it and are good at it.
Anyway, this is just one of the attitudes that I have been passed from my dad. It was nice to spend time with him, and to remember where it is I came from. Have you talked to your father lately?
I am sorry that I missed a day of posting! It has been busy this week. The post will be a little longer today to catch up, so I will break it into two. Ii desu ka?
This morning I got to spend some time with my dad. That doesn’t get to happen very often. It was a very nice time. We went to get coffee, and ended up spending two hours sitting and talking. We talked about many things (like Native American history, my grandfather’s bee farming days, money, the Bible, and so on), but one topic sticks out in my mind.
I got a lot of my attitudes in life from my father. He is what we call your typical blue-collar worker. This means that he is a laborer, and hasn’t a lot of money or education. He grew up on farms, joined the Army to fight in Vietnam, and has worked for an elevator construction company. He has a very community oriented philosophy, and hardly ever turns down a person in need. My father also will talk to anyone; he doesn’t have prejudices based on appearances.
One particular topic we talked about is the philosophy of paying others to do work for you. I am awful at automobile maintenance. I just never had an interest in repairing or reconditioning cars. So, if I have car troubles, I usually pay someone else to fix it. A lot of my friends will give me a hard time about this because many of the repairs can be done “easily” at home.
My theory on this is as follows: I have been blessed with a mind for science and math. I have used this gift, and desire for formal education, to start on the path to being a pharmacist. Pharmacists get paid the salaries that they do because not just anyone can step in and do that job. So, my talents have made it possible to make a living.
I see automotive repair the same way. A skilled mechanic has been blessed with a mind and body to fix cars. There is no shame in that profession (although society often looks down on mechanics). I do not have a problem with paying these men and women for their abilities. Why should I cut them out of their trade and livelihood to save a few bucks? It is true that I could save money, but it seems wrong to me to be so selfish. Besides, I don’t think that even the “simple” operations would turn out for the good of my car if I attempted them. Beyond airing up tires and changing oil, automobile repair is a mystery to me. I am thankful that there are those who enjoy it and are good at it.
Anyway, this is just one of the attitudes that I have been passed from my dad. It was nice to spend time with him, and to remember where it is I came from. Have you talked to your father lately?
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Feeling blue today...
Boy, I am feeling down today. Or as we say in the US, down in the dumps. I am ready for spring to arrive: the warm, energize sunlight... the green colors signifying life... the chirping birds... I cannot wait for warm spring days, so that I may go hiking and riding my bicycle. I haven't exercised in months, my toe still hurts, I am struggling with bills (no more than any one else), and I am tired from working too much. Sigh. But there is hope... !!!
A friend of mine did manage to cheer me up today. She emailed me a gorgeous picture of Japanese apricot blossoms. I immediately saved it as my desktop background. Every time I sit at my computer now I am made happy by the sight of such beautiful flowers. I can almost smell them in my mind. Her name is Maki, and she sends me nice letters, beautiful pictures from Japan, and wonderful presents. I am very lucky to have met her over the email. Aren't friends great?
I did manage to learn some new kanji today. I think I "know" almost 60 individual characters now, and can recognize some words, even though I cannot always pronounce properly. I may be reading Japanese in no time! I hope my penmanship is good enough to write letters. I do not get much chance to practice speaking, and I am not confident in my vocabulary, but I have learned a lot in a short time. I am slowly figuring out verbs. A big help has been translating a short story from Japanese (I will write about this more next time, the story is great!).
What's my favorite kanji you ask? Well, I can't type kanji with my PC... but it is YUU/tomo. Which means friend. Also, it is the first kanji in my friend Yuri's name, so it has a double meaning to me. Yuri is who helps me with some Japanese questions, plus brightens up my day in the school library. She is going to do great things with her life, and she is a nice person to know. Plus, it is just nice for me to have a familiar face and a nice voice say "hello" to me at school. It makes school less lonely.
Wow, I feel better now! See how flowers and friends (and kanji?) make you feel better! See you! Jaa mata ashita! Spring will be here soon! :)
A friend of mine did manage to cheer me up today. She emailed me a gorgeous picture of Japanese apricot blossoms. I immediately saved it as my desktop background. Every time I sit at my computer now I am made happy by the sight of such beautiful flowers. I can almost smell them in my mind. Her name is Maki, and she sends me nice letters, beautiful pictures from Japan, and wonderful presents. I am very lucky to have met her over the email. Aren't friends great?
I did manage to learn some new kanji today. I think I "know" almost 60 individual characters now, and can recognize some words, even though I cannot always pronounce properly. I may be reading Japanese in no time! I hope my penmanship is good enough to write letters. I do not get much chance to practice speaking, and I am not confident in my vocabulary, but I have learned a lot in a short time. I am slowly figuring out verbs. A big help has been translating a short story from Japanese (I will write about this more next time, the story is great!).
What's my favorite kanji you ask? Well, I can't type kanji with my PC... but it is YUU/tomo. Which means friend. Also, it is the first kanji in my friend Yuri's name, so it has a double meaning to me. Yuri is who helps me with some Japanese questions, plus brightens up my day in the school library. She is going to do great things with her life, and she is a nice person to know. Plus, it is just nice for me to have a familiar face and a nice voice say "hello" to me at school. It makes school less lonely.
Wow, I feel better now! See how flowers and friends (and kanji?) make you feel better! See you! Jaa mata ashita! Spring will be here soon! :)
Monday, March 08, 2004
Science Myths Part One
Have you ever saw a shadow move out of the corner of your eye? How about the dark figure of a person standing in a room, only to disappear? I see these things often. Just yesterday I thought I saw a black cat dart across the street in front of my car. There was no cat to be found! (I stopped and checked). I often see these things late at night in my apartment... Usually I find myself startled. Last November I even dropped a glass of milk because I thought there was a man coming out of my bathroom as I walked the dark hall to bed (at 3 AM). Are these spirits? Sprites? Figments of our imagination?
The answer is most likely none of these. This is an occurrence that demonstrates one of those frustrating misconceptions about science. We humans are often too dependent on our perceptions. We often limit our knowledge and belief to what we can perceive and easily understand. The truth is, the universe works in many ways we cannot understand. In some cases our brain even works AGAINST our understanding.
One example of how the universe works against our current limits of understanding is in the ghost illustration above. The human brain works mostly on the premise of relationships. The brain, to process information faster, likes to "speedread." That is, it only skims images, and assigns meaning to those images based on past knowledge. This is demonstrated at how easily you recognize friends you see everyday, and may even mistake a stranger for them if you only glance at them.
My ghosts are most likely distortion patterns caused by weary eyes and random lights reflecting about the dark house. The mind tries to process these stimuli, and to cut corners, it goes through a list of things they most look like. So, a looming shadow caused by a moving door becomes a man.
Another example is subatomic particles. We try to understand protons by fixing them to orbital and shells, but they do not exist in either of these models. They move in ways the mind cannot easily grasp. Much of what we understand about the subatomic world is only made possible through mathematics, and not by physical models. This happens with religion as well. If we understand meteorology, we can predict weather and understand what causes storms. But if we limit our knowledge to a mythological system, we attribute storms to the gods being angry. When we limit our search for truth to a single frame of reference, we miss out altogether.
When we limit the universe to working within our own current cognitive abilities, we are not truly learning anything. We see this all the time when it comes to measurement. The USA uses inches, and Japan uses metric (or SI), but physics can be done using either. Physics is not tied to a measurement system man has developed, it is merely a model we use to understand how things work.
This is known as the anthromorphological principal. That is the debate between two theories: that the universe exists the way man understands it, or that man understands the universe based on his own mental ability. The difference between the two theories can cause a person to understand the universe in different ways.
If you trust too heavily on your perceptions as being the limit to reality, you have chose to be blind to a lot of possibilities. The reason that Einstein's theory of relativity was so breakthrough was because he overcame this hazard. His findings changed how we look at physics and light. Many were unable to understand or accept his work because they have a worldview based in human comprehension. On a personal note, I am always hurt by people who do not look into the validity of theories (like evolution) because such a notion does not fit their world view. Likewise, there are those who shun any form of spirituality for the same reason.
We need to be open minded, and realize that the way we see the world is only one particular frame of reference. The difference between our understanding of life and the truth may be a similar difference between how a bat sees the world and how a human does. Once we unfetter our mind (as best we can) from this frame of reference, we can begin to see the universe as it truly is.
Thanks! Talk to you all tomorrow!
The answer is most likely none of these. This is an occurrence that demonstrates one of those frustrating misconceptions about science. We humans are often too dependent on our perceptions. We often limit our knowledge and belief to what we can perceive and easily understand. The truth is, the universe works in many ways we cannot understand. In some cases our brain even works AGAINST our understanding.
One example of how the universe works against our current limits of understanding is in the ghost illustration above. The human brain works mostly on the premise of relationships. The brain, to process information faster, likes to "speedread." That is, it only skims images, and assigns meaning to those images based on past knowledge. This is demonstrated at how easily you recognize friends you see everyday, and may even mistake a stranger for them if you only glance at them.
My ghosts are most likely distortion patterns caused by weary eyes and random lights reflecting about the dark house. The mind tries to process these stimuli, and to cut corners, it goes through a list of things they most look like. So, a looming shadow caused by a moving door becomes a man.
Another example is subatomic particles. We try to understand protons by fixing them to orbital and shells, but they do not exist in either of these models. They move in ways the mind cannot easily grasp. Much of what we understand about the subatomic world is only made possible through mathematics, and not by physical models. This happens with religion as well. If we understand meteorology, we can predict weather and understand what causes storms. But if we limit our knowledge to a mythological system, we attribute storms to the gods being angry. When we limit our search for truth to a single frame of reference, we miss out altogether.
When we limit the universe to working within our own current cognitive abilities, we are not truly learning anything. We see this all the time when it comes to measurement. The USA uses inches, and Japan uses metric (or SI), but physics can be done using either. Physics is not tied to a measurement system man has developed, it is merely a model we use to understand how things work.
This is known as the anthromorphological principal. That is the debate between two theories: that the universe exists the way man understands it, or that man understands the universe based on his own mental ability. The difference between the two theories can cause a person to understand the universe in different ways.
If you trust too heavily on your perceptions as being the limit to reality, you have chose to be blind to a lot of possibilities. The reason that Einstein's theory of relativity was so breakthrough was because he overcame this hazard. His findings changed how we look at physics and light. Many were unable to understand or accept his work because they have a worldview based in human comprehension. On a personal note, I am always hurt by people who do not look into the validity of theories (like evolution) because such a notion does not fit their world view. Likewise, there are those who shun any form of spirituality for the same reason.
We need to be open minded, and realize that the way we see the world is only one particular frame of reference. The difference between our understanding of life and the truth may be a similar difference between how a bat sees the world and how a human does. Once we unfetter our mind (as best we can) from this frame of reference, we can begin to see the universe as it truly is.
Thanks! Talk to you all tomorrow!
Sunday, March 07, 2004
A busy day at church (for my mind)
A bunch to talk about, and most of it stems from church...
Shelly: A girl that I went to school with (from grade school through high school) was at church today with her mother. She sat in front of me. When we were shaking hands and greeting one another, I told her good morning, but did not know her. She said "hello Carl" with a smile. It was a shock that it was her! It was nice to see her, but it suddenly made me aware of myself if an uncomfortable way. I wondered what she saw... the nerd that went to school with her, an unattractive/overweight man, or a religious zealot. When I looked at her, I know I had many questions in my own mind. She has become a beautiful woman, apparently unmarried. Was she at church seeking God? Was she there as moral support for her mother? What has happened to her in the last ten years? Has she made poor choices that she wishes she could take back? Has her heart been broken, and has she had to rebuild her life? Maybe she has lost her faith in herself, in others, or even in God? I wonder these things, because my own experiences tell me that such things happen. Could she see the past hurt and regret in me? I was too aware of my own thoughts and emotions, and it became uncomfortable to talk to her.
Seeing Shelly there, a person all but forgotten from my past, suddenly reflected my own past life before me. So much happens to a person during their lives, and most of us have no idea. On the surface she was beautiful and happy, but inside who knows? Seeing her today reminded me that we are all very complex creatures, and hard to judge from the outside. This is something that really made me think. There may be those around you that you pass by daily who could be suffering from horrible events, or even rejoicing from fantastic accomplishments. It could be that we are missing many chances to be true friends to those who seem to be just fine, or maybe judging someone too harshly for their outer behavior when they are hurting inside.
Accountability: I was unhappy with the presentation of the Sunday School lesson yet again today. I will try not to be too critical of the volunteers or the church, but the message was all wrong. It frustrates me because this happens a lot lately. Anyway, the message today was starting a series about the armor of God. The first unit was about the figurative "helmet." The teachers had students come up to the front of the class, and role play situations where you should use the helmet. In each case, the play would not progress until a student named a sin they had committed. At this point, the teacher asked "who told/made you to do this sin?" and the student was to reply "Satan."
This angered me because it completely destroys accountability. Christians need to understand that Satan is not the source of all sin. Each one of us is equally as responsible for our bad actions as we are for our good. If we sin, and blame the devil, then we are removing ourselves from any guilt or accountability. The image that comes to mind is the Nazi commanders that said the atrocities they performed during WWII were only orders they were compelled to carry out for a mad and evil leader. In the world of Christian theology, Satan may introduce temptation, but he cannot make you sin. Likewise, our own sinful "flesh" may cause us to be tempted. We are not creatures doomed to failure, just as we are not beings that default to righteousness. Our existence is the embodiment of free will, and while the forces of God and Satan may conspire to lead us in particular directions, I think the Bible is clear that we are responsible to make our own choices, and ultimately be held solely accountable for our actions. If this was not the case, and humans were just pawns between the two, then God would be dealing immediately with Satan rather than man in his covenants.
Making these children act out scenarios where the devil is blamed for all wrong only encourages a lack of accountability. And lacking accountability, we are often convinced that we are helpless to sin, and therefore do not resist it when opportunities arise. I had a problem with this subtle issue in the lesson today.
Worship: I have found myself almost completely unhappy singing at church. The songs we sing do not reflect my inner thoughts, and I don;t particularly like to sing as it is. The words are repetitive and seem to be overly composed. By that I mean they are poetic and artistic, but not reflective of any real emotion for me. I don;t think God wants to hear me sing things that I do not mean. Do you? If you were God would that make you happy? I find it hard to think that me calling God by names I cannot even pronounce, or saying that nothing is as valuable to me as Him (when I often struggle with placing him even in the top 5 things in my life) is morally wrong.
So I find myself standing there silent, trying to smile and avoid looks from others who are singing their hearts out. Our church has become more contemporary in worship, and with that has come a culture of hand waving and raising. Again, I do not feel moved to do this, but I stick out like a sore thumb as I stand still. Worship has become an uncomfortable time for me. Church is a bad place to be when you are full of questions and doubt, because a lot of what happens on Sunday morning is on auto-pilot. As with most things, it is up to yourself to take care of what you need. Anyway, at least I enjoy the sermons, and learn a great deal from them.
WOW! That was a negative entry. Sorry about that. And I didn't even get to the part where I was upset that people are using the Passion of Christ movie as motivation and illustration in their Sunday messages (we had the book all along, why is this movie so important now?).
But anyway, I feel better now! It was nice to see Shelly, and I would have liked to talked to her more. I love the children at church, and I am glad I can be a part of their lives. Lastly, I think that if there is a God, he surely is worth a heartfelt and enthusiastic praise, not just the sounds of a human musicbox. See, I can be positive! :)
This coming week I will talk about the Council Bluffs tour I am hosting, some misconceptions about science that lead to further ignorance, a few understandings I have come to about myself, and a bunch of nonsense, I am sure. Have a great week friends!
Shelly: A girl that I went to school with (from grade school through high school) was at church today with her mother. She sat in front of me. When we were shaking hands and greeting one another, I told her good morning, but did not know her. She said "hello Carl" with a smile. It was a shock that it was her! It was nice to see her, but it suddenly made me aware of myself if an uncomfortable way. I wondered what she saw... the nerd that went to school with her, an unattractive/overweight man, or a religious zealot. When I looked at her, I know I had many questions in my own mind. She has become a beautiful woman, apparently unmarried. Was she at church seeking God? Was she there as moral support for her mother? What has happened to her in the last ten years? Has she made poor choices that she wishes she could take back? Has her heart been broken, and has she had to rebuild her life? Maybe she has lost her faith in herself, in others, or even in God? I wonder these things, because my own experiences tell me that such things happen. Could she see the past hurt and regret in me? I was too aware of my own thoughts and emotions, and it became uncomfortable to talk to her.
Seeing Shelly there, a person all but forgotten from my past, suddenly reflected my own past life before me. So much happens to a person during their lives, and most of us have no idea. On the surface she was beautiful and happy, but inside who knows? Seeing her today reminded me that we are all very complex creatures, and hard to judge from the outside. This is something that really made me think. There may be those around you that you pass by daily who could be suffering from horrible events, or even rejoicing from fantastic accomplishments. It could be that we are missing many chances to be true friends to those who seem to be just fine, or maybe judging someone too harshly for their outer behavior when they are hurting inside.
Accountability: I was unhappy with the presentation of the Sunday School lesson yet again today. I will try not to be too critical of the volunteers or the church, but the message was all wrong. It frustrates me because this happens a lot lately. Anyway, the message today was starting a series about the armor of God. The first unit was about the figurative "helmet." The teachers had students come up to the front of the class, and role play situations where you should use the helmet. In each case, the play would not progress until a student named a sin they had committed. At this point, the teacher asked "who told/made you to do this sin?" and the student was to reply "Satan."
This angered me because it completely destroys accountability. Christians need to understand that Satan is not the source of all sin. Each one of us is equally as responsible for our bad actions as we are for our good. If we sin, and blame the devil, then we are removing ourselves from any guilt or accountability. The image that comes to mind is the Nazi commanders that said the atrocities they performed during WWII were only orders they were compelled to carry out for a mad and evil leader. In the world of Christian theology, Satan may introduce temptation, but he cannot make you sin. Likewise, our own sinful "flesh" may cause us to be tempted. We are not creatures doomed to failure, just as we are not beings that default to righteousness. Our existence is the embodiment of free will, and while the forces of God and Satan may conspire to lead us in particular directions, I think the Bible is clear that we are responsible to make our own choices, and ultimately be held solely accountable for our actions. If this was not the case, and humans were just pawns between the two, then God would be dealing immediately with Satan rather than man in his covenants.
Making these children act out scenarios where the devil is blamed for all wrong only encourages a lack of accountability. And lacking accountability, we are often convinced that we are helpless to sin, and therefore do not resist it when opportunities arise. I had a problem with this subtle issue in the lesson today.
Worship: I have found myself almost completely unhappy singing at church. The songs we sing do not reflect my inner thoughts, and I don;t particularly like to sing as it is. The words are repetitive and seem to be overly composed. By that I mean they are poetic and artistic, but not reflective of any real emotion for me. I don;t think God wants to hear me sing things that I do not mean. Do you? If you were God would that make you happy? I find it hard to think that me calling God by names I cannot even pronounce, or saying that nothing is as valuable to me as Him (when I often struggle with placing him even in the top 5 things in my life) is morally wrong.
So I find myself standing there silent, trying to smile and avoid looks from others who are singing their hearts out. Our church has become more contemporary in worship, and with that has come a culture of hand waving and raising. Again, I do not feel moved to do this, but I stick out like a sore thumb as I stand still. Worship has become an uncomfortable time for me. Church is a bad place to be when you are full of questions and doubt, because a lot of what happens on Sunday morning is on auto-pilot. As with most things, it is up to yourself to take care of what you need. Anyway, at least I enjoy the sermons, and learn a great deal from them.
WOW! That was a negative entry. Sorry about that. And I didn't even get to the part where I was upset that people are using the Passion of Christ movie as motivation and illustration in their Sunday messages (we had the book all along, why is this movie so important now?).
But anyway, I feel better now! It was nice to see Shelly, and I would have liked to talked to her more. I love the children at church, and I am glad I can be a part of their lives. Lastly, I think that if there is a God, he surely is worth a heartfelt and enthusiastic praise, not just the sounds of a human musicbox. See, I can be positive! :)
This coming week I will talk about the Council Bluffs tour I am hosting, some misconceptions about science that lead to further ignorance, a few understandings I have come to about myself, and a bunch of nonsense, I am sure. Have a great week friends!
Saturday, March 06, 2004
The week in review...
Konnichiwa tomodachi!
This week was busy! So below I am trying to catch up with all that has happened.
1] I received a 92% on my physics test. Way to go, me! The test consisted of finding out velocities, amounts of Work performed, and amounts of Kinetic Energy. The story problems were all depressing, as it had to do with train wrecks, suddenly braking automobiles, and men falling from trees. I am glad that test is over! :)
2] My mid term paper for my literature course received 98%
3] No word on pharmacy school yet, but Creighton let me know my application is being processed.
4] I now know almost 60 kanji. It is hard to learn!
5] Spring break starts Wednesday!
6] I finished my taxes finally, and it looks like I won't have to pay anything. That is good news! The bad news is I don't get much back either.
7] I am planning a trip for a couple of my friends. We are going to explore the historical Council Bluffs. They are from Japan, so I want to show them about my town since I ask them so much about their home.
8] I am doing good with my beef fast. Only the one slip up. Now I need to start eating better, stop wasting money, and exercise and I will have my life under control! (ha ha)
9] My toe feels better, but still aches under weight. I skipped out on a friend who invited me to play racquetball because I was afraid of my toe's injury, and also because my lungs are in poor shape. This week I intend on exercising. Hold me to it friends!
10] The gay marraige debate looks to be heating up. Martha Stewart was found guilty. The Passion of Christ movie has made a lot of money. The Mars rovers have found more signs of water. Baseball players are being accused of using drugs to enhance their abilities. Soccer leagues start soon, and the YMCA has not contacted me to see if there is room on a team for me. Too much to talk about!
Thanks for bearing with the boring posts. I have a few formal things I would like to discuss, but I will wait until my mind is not so cloudy with weariness. I appreciate all of my friends, and thank you for checking in on me! Arigato gozaimasu. Let's have a good week!
This week was busy! So below I am trying to catch up with all that has happened.
1] I received a 92% on my physics test. Way to go, me! The test consisted of finding out velocities, amounts of Work performed, and amounts of Kinetic Energy. The story problems were all depressing, as it had to do with train wrecks, suddenly braking automobiles, and men falling from trees. I am glad that test is over! :)
2] My mid term paper for my literature course received 98%
3] No word on pharmacy school yet, but Creighton let me know my application is being processed.
4] I now know almost 60 kanji. It is hard to learn!
5] Spring break starts Wednesday!
6] I finished my taxes finally, and it looks like I won't have to pay anything. That is good news! The bad news is I don't get much back either.
7] I am planning a trip for a couple of my friends. We are going to explore the historical Council Bluffs. They are from Japan, so I want to show them about my town since I ask them so much about their home.
8] I am doing good with my beef fast. Only the one slip up. Now I need to start eating better, stop wasting money, and exercise and I will have my life under control! (ha ha)
9] My toe feels better, but still aches under weight. I skipped out on a friend who invited me to play racquetball because I was afraid of my toe's injury, and also because my lungs are in poor shape. This week I intend on exercising. Hold me to it friends!
10] The gay marraige debate looks to be heating up. Martha Stewart was found guilty. The Passion of Christ movie has made a lot of money. The Mars rovers have found more signs of water. Baseball players are being accused of using drugs to enhance their abilities. Soccer leagues start soon, and the YMCA has not contacted me to see if there is room on a team for me. Too much to talk about!
Thanks for bearing with the boring posts. I have a few formal things I would like to discuss, but I will wait until my mind is not so cloudy with weariness. I appreciate all of my friends, and thank you for checking in on me! Arigato gozaimasu. Let's have a good week!
Thursday, March 04, 2004
I love my backpack.
Whew! I am done with physics studying and homework. The test draws near (in one hour) so I wanted to take a break. How are you today?
I have a blue and orange Adidas backpack. I bought it because it is the Denver Broncos football team's colors. My backpack is always with me. I use it as most women use a purse. Here are some of the things that are in it...
1] pens and pencils
2] a scientific calculator
3] notebooks, folders, and assorted textbooks
4] my "brain" (a small handbook I write important stuff in... I will discuss some other day)
5] My Nintendo Gameboy SP (with Super Robot Wars Taisen D or Zelda:Link to the Past game)
6] a manga book, and whatever other book I am reading (currently Guns, Germs, and Steel)
7] Japanese kanji flashcards
8] a picture with me shaking hands with William Shatner when I was in 4th or 5th grade.
9] various post cards I have received from my friends
10] a bunch of pin backs
What are pin backs? You may know them as pins, buttons, or badges. They are 1" in diameter and have pictures on them. The back side is like a safety pin. This winter I have lost a few of my buttons, and that makes me sad. So I took them all off my bag, and put them in a ziplock baggy until I decide what to do about the loss problem. The last straw was when I noticed that my Rolling Stones lips logo pin was lost!
The pins are $1 - $2 each, but worth only about 10 cents. But to me they are priceless. I have a few that I could never replace, and the thought of losing them makes me sad. But even more sad is how my backpack looks without any pins on it. It looks so boring and lifeless. I need to reassemble it!
My backpack, and the pins on it, sort of say something about me. I use it to express my own creativity in a small way. I love my backpack, and take it everywhere I go. It seems odd that I place so much emotion into a worthless item, but I can't help it. It is my closest companion, and has been with me in tight jams as well as fun times. It has held papers critical to my future, as well as bottles of pop, Pocky, and gifts for friends. I could almost say, my backpack has become my friend!
See you next time!
PS - some pins I have: Iggy Pop (ca.1973), Marc Bolan/T-Rex, monkey from Pixies album, pictures of each member of Mindless Self Indulgence (except LynZ... I lost her!), the Ramones eagle emblem, Polyphonic Spree, Pac Man, the Comic Book Guy from Simpsons, Minor Threat's black sheep, Eraserhead, the Smith's 'meat is murder', the Van Halen logo (NOT Van Hagar), and many more! My most wanted pins would be Sifl and Olly, anything from a Kurosawa movie, the Cult "sonic temple" cover, Scaterd Few (which may not even exist), Minutemen, or Nation of Ulysses. :)
I have a blue and orange Adidas backpack. I bought it because it is the Denver Broncos football team's colors. My backpack is always with me. I use it as most women use a purse. Here are some of the things that are in it...
1] pens and pencils
2] a scientific calculator
3] notebooks, folders, and assorted textbooks
4] my "brain" (a small handbook I write important stuff in... I will discuss some other day)
5] My Nintendo Gameboy SP (with Super Robot Wars Taisen D or Zelda:Link to the Past game)
6] a manga book, and whatever other book I am reading (currently Guns, Germs, and Steel)
7] Japanese kanji flashcards
8] a picture with me shaking hands with William Shatner when I was in 4th or 5th grade.
9] various post cards I have received from my friends
10] a bunch of pin backs
What are pin backs? You may know them as pins, buttons, or badges. They are 1" in diameter and have pictures on them. The back side is like a safety pin. This winter I have lost a few of my buttons, and that makes me sad. So I took them all off my bag, and put them in a ziplock baggy until I decide what to do about the loss problem. The last straw was when I noticed that my Rolling Stones lips logo pin was lost!
The pins are $1 - $2 each, but worth only about 10 cents. But to me they are priceless. I have a few that I could never replace, and the thought of losing them makes me sad. But even more sad is how my backpack looks without any pins on it. It looks so boring and lifeless. I need to reassemble it!
My backpack, and the pins on it, sort of say something about me. I use it to express my own creativity in a small way. I love my backpack, and take it everywhere I go. It seems odd that I place so much emotion into a worthless item, but I can't help it. It is my closest companion, and has been with me in tight jams as well as fun times. It has held papers critical to my future, as well as bottles of pop, Pocky, and gifts for friends. I could almost say, my backpack has become my friend!
See you next time!
PS - some pins I have: Iggy Pop (ca.1973), Marc Bolan/T-Rex, monkey from Pixies album, pictures of each member of Mindless Self Indulgence (except LynZ... I lost her!), the Ramones eagle emblem, Polyphonic Spree, Pac Man, the Comic Book Guy from Simpsons, Minor Threat's black sheep, Eraserhead, the Smith's 'meat is murder', the Van Halen logo (NOT Van Hagar), and many more! My most wanted pins would be Sifl and Olly, anything from a Kurosawa movie, the Cult "sonic temple" cover, Scaterd Few (which may not even exist), Minutemen, or Nation of Ulysses. :)
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Physics versus my toe
As many of you know, I have troubles with my feet. I won't gross anyone out by going into detail, but all my years of running, biking, hiking, and being overweight have been hard on them. My latest trouble is my right big toe... it hurts. Bad. It is like it is broken. Ibuprofen doesn't help, and it aches anytime weight is put on it. The worst part is, I have no idea what I did to it.
Tomorrow is my physics mid-term, and I am franticly trying to study two chapters of material, and do 30 problems, as well as look at the study guide. I have tonight (it is 11:30 PM already), and two hours tomorrow to do it. I am stressed! My work week has been nutty, and my other courses have all demanded my time thus far this week. Physics, it seems, was forced to be an eleventh hour effort.
One question in the reading was concerning toes. It was asking, why (in terms of physics) does it tend to hurt when you kick a heavy desk? It seems hard to put daily activities into terms of physics. Physics works nice for runaway trains and cubes sliding about on a frictionless slab of ice. But when you have to explain why your toe hurts when you kick something... you tend to over think. It took me all day to come up with the answer. (hint: it has to do with the force you are applying vs. the inertia of the desk)
This physics test has a HUGE inertia, and my effort for it has been weak. Unless I can cram like I never have before, I am going to kick against this test and end up hurting. So be thinking of me at 1:30 PM (my time) Thursday as I face a monster of a test.
I am telling you, my toe really hurts!
Tomorrow is my physics mid-term, and I am franticly trying to study two chapters of material, and do 30 problems, as well as look at the study guide. I have tonight (it is 11:30 PM already), and two hours tomorrow to do it. I am stressed! My work week has been nutty, and my other courses have all demanded my time thus far this week. Physics, it seems, was forced to be an eleventh hour effort.
One question in the reading was concerning toes. It was asking, why (in terms of physics) does it tend to hurt when you kick a heavy desk? It seems hard to put daily activities into terms of physics. Physics works nice for runaway trains and cubes sliding about on a frictionless slab of ice. But when you have to explain why your toe hurts when you kick something... you tend to over think. It took me all day to come up with the answer. (hint: it has to do with the force you are applying vs. the inertia of the desk)
This physics test has a HUGE inertia, and my effort for it has been weak. Unless I can cram like I never have before, I am going to kick against this test and end up hurting. So be thinking of me at 1:30 PM (my time) Thursday as I face a monster of a test.
I am telling you, my toe really hurts!
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Ooops! Am I a hypocrite?
Hello again friends! Well, yesterday was a bad day in my experiments with responsible living. I blew two of my resolutions in one action. I was driving from school to my second shift of work when I decided I had better eat. I drove through Taco Bell and bought 3 tacos. I didn't realize until I was out of the drive-thru that tacos are full of beef, and I was abstaining from beef! Furthermore, I had once again wasted money on unhealthy fast food when I could have just as easily ran home and ate something, or had something healthy at the hospital cafeteria.
The funny thing is, I understand why I did it. There are two reasons:
1) We are creatures of habit. Once we develop a habitual routine, it is hard to break. It takes a lot of effort and energy to overcome these habits.
2) My focus was all wrong. Instead of focusing on my a] debt situation, b] need to be more healthy, c] how I could better use that money for others, and d] using my beef fast for the remembrance of Jesus, I did what I wanted to. This is a hard thing to recognize about yourself, because it shows weakness of character. No one forced me to do these things, I brought them on myself; so why can't I stick to them?
It is this selfishness that I have always hated, but I am guilty of it myself. Does this make me a hypocrite? You may say "yes," but I say "no." I say this because I continue to try to be better. I used the experience to learn a lesson, and I will again return to my fast, and my money struggles again today.
This is why I began the Lent process to begin with, as I have stated in a previous Blog. I was tired of the amount of lip service my Catholic acquaintances give to their sacrifices, only to fail by the end of the 40 days. I rarely heard them say anything about their focus. Mostly I heard laments about "Oh I can't do/have that, I gave it up for Lent." They were making their sacrifices public, and not the goal (a 40 day conscious focus on Christ's story). It seems to follow that once they (inevitably) fail, they give in all together. Lent practices should mirror Christian theology, and Jesus taught us that we are to give up sin for Him. Sin is habitual, and hard to stop for mankind. When we sin, we need to admit it, feel bad about it, ask for forgiveness, and try again. Lent should work the same way.
I don't want to mire this in Christianity, because that is not my aim. Religion has little to do with this process... we all can benefit from realizing our weaknesses, and taking part in the process of failure/trying again. We need to better ourselves. We need to find weak areas of our lives and resolve to fix them. These things are probably habitual, and hard to break. We will most likely fail, but do not give up! I would ask you all to use this as encouragement. Whether it is a diet, a resolution, a Lent promise, or whatever, if you fail, again, do not give up.
Jaa mata ashita!
The funny thing is, I understand why I did it. There are two reasons:
1) We are creatures of habit. Once we develop a habitual routine, it is hard to break. It takes a lot of effort and energy to overcome these habits.
2) My focus was all wrong. Instead of focusing on my a] debt situation, b] need to be more healthy, c] how I could better use that money for others, and d] using my beef fast for the remembrance of Jesus, I did what I wanted to. This is a hard thing to recognize about yourself, because it shows weakness of character. No one forced me to do these things, I brought them on myself; so why can't I stick to them?
It is this selfishness that I have always hated, but I am guilty of it myself. Does this make me a hypocrite? You may say "yes," but I say "no." I say this because I continue to try to be better. I used the experience to learn a lesson, and I will again return to my fast, and my money struggles again today.
This is why I began the Lent process to begin with, as I have stated in a previous Blog. I was tired of the amount of lip service my Catholic acquaintances give to their sacrifices, only to fail by the end of the 40 days. I rarely heard them say anything about their focus. Mostly I heard laments about "Oh I can't do/have that, I gave it up for Lent." They were making their sacrifices public, and not the goal (a 40 day conscious focus on Christ's story). It seems to follow that once they (inevitably) fail, they give in all together. Lent practices should mirror Christian theology, and Jesus taught us that we are to give up sin for Him. Sin is habitual, and hard to stop for mankind. When we sin, we need to admit it, feel bad about it, ask for forgiveness, and try again. Lent should work the same way.
I don't want to mire this in Christianity, because that is not my aim. Religion has little to do with this process... we all can benefit from realizing our weaknesses, and taking part in the process of failure/trying again. We need to better ourselves. We need to find weak areas of our lives and resolve to fix them. These things are probably habitual, and hard to break. We will most likely fail, but do not give up! I would ask you all to use this as encouragement. Whether it is a diet, a resolution, a Lent promise, or whatever, if you fail, again, do not give up.
Jaa mata ashita!
Monday, March 01, 2004
okane o motte imasen
I think everyone I know says they do not have enough money. Money is funny like that. We constantly feel the burden of debt and bills, but seem to find money to spend on soda, fast food, cable TV, and new DVD movies. It would seem that many of us are unable to live BELOW our means, let alone within.
I am no exception. I seem to have a hard time with money. My debt is low (by adult, worldly standards), and much of that is even deferred (in the US student loan program). For less that $4000 I would be debt free, and therefore worry free. I only bring this figure up so the next point I am going to make will make better sense.
I heard on the radio Sunday morning that NFL RB Jamal Lewis is purchasing a specialize treadmill for $30,000. Hearing that, I was in a bad mood all day. It was all I could think about. For the money he is "throwing away" I could have some definite change in my own life. These sort of stories surface often. If you watched the Academy Awards, you saw shoes worth $2,000,000, hand bags worth $70,000, and dresses worth $800,000.
MK Gandhi had a problem with this sort of luxury. It is unavoidable that money will be apportioned out unequally, but how those who are more blessed use their money is a matter of morality. Gandhi knew that there was enough food and money in the world for everyone to exists happily. But there are two problems:
1] Our attitudes on what a happy existence is. Many of us are used to luxury and leisure far beyond the dreams of others. I myself am guilty of this. Insteand of eating healthy staple foods like rice, beans, and fresh produce, I eat fast food. I am trying to change, but my splurging on unhealthy, expensive, and often ecologically wasteful food is habitual. I may only need $3000 to get out of financial trouble, but I spend almost $20 a week on soda pop and fast food. Over a year that is $1400 on average; I could have retired half of my debt in one year by this amount alone! And this isn't including the DVDs, CDs, the manga, videogames, magazines, Gundam gashapon, and science books I buy on a monthly basis.
2] That when one is blessed with surplus income, they often do not know how to be a good steward of that money. I know that within my own church there are people who could easily retire my immediate debt, if not my student loans, and not have to sacrifice anything. Not that they should, but there is money available. There are men and women who work their health away for barely enough money to pay rent and eat. All of us with extra should be helping these humans.
In the end, my anger and frustration stems from my own poor attitude with money. As I struggle to get out from under the cloud of debt, I must look more closely at how I handle money. I would challenge all of my friends to also examine how they are using the money they have been blessed with. Compare the amount you spend on entertainment and "enjoyment" eating to what you are spending to help others. I think maybe we all can do better.
MK Gandhi was a wise man, and his life was lived as an example to us all. He was a lawyer, yet looks like a man living in poverty. But he was healthy, happy, an dfree of many worries that plague many of us. His ideas on money, materialism, and stewardship were Truth. If we were to put such ideas into practice, we could establish truly loving communities (much like the early Christians enjoyed, written about in the book of Acts).
So next time you become angry that someone else has more money than they need, and you have none, try to think about how lucky you are to have what you do have. And then ask yourself what you have done to help those less fortunate than yourself.
I am no exception. I seem to have a hard time with money. My debt is low (by adult, worldly standards), and much of that is even deferred (in the US student loan program). For less that $4000 I would be debt free, and therefore worry free. I only bring this figure up so the next point I am going to make will make better sense.
I heard on the radio Sunday morning that NFL RB Jamal Lewis is purchasing a specialize treadmill for $30,000. Hearing that, I was in a bad mood all day. It was all I could think about. For the money he is "throwing away" I could have some definite change in my own life. These sort of stories surface often. If you watched the Academy Awards, you saw shoes worth $2,000,000, hand bags worth $70,000, and dresses worth $800,000.
MK Gandhi had a problem with this sort of luxury. It is unavoidable that money will be apportioned out unequally, but how those who are more blessed use their money is a matter of morality. Gandhi knew that there was enough food and money in the world for everyone to exists happily. But there are two problems:
1] Our attitudes on what a happy existence is. Many of us are used to luxury and leisure far beyond the dreams of others. I myself am guilty of this. Insteand of eating healthy staple foods like rice, beans, and fresh produce, I eat fast food. I am trying to change, but my splurging on unhealthy, expensive, and often ecologically wasteful food is habitual. I may only need $3000 to get out of financial trouble, but I spend almost $20 a week on soda pop and fast food. Over a year that is $1400 on average; I could have retired half of my debt in one year by this amount alone! And this isn't including the DVDs, CDs, the manga, videogames, magazines, Gundam gashapon, and science books I buy on a monthly basis.
2] That when one is blessed with surplus income, they often do not know how to be a good steward of that money. I know that within my own church there are people who could easily retire my immediate debt, if not my student loans, and not have to sacrifice anything. Not that they should, but there is money available. There are men and women who work their health away for barely enough money to pay rent and eat. All of us with extra should be helping these humans.
In the end, my anger and frustration stems from my own poor attitude with money. As I struggle to get out from under the cloud of debt, I must look more closely at how I handle money. I would challenge all of my friends to also examine how they are using the money they have been blessed with. Compare the amount you spend on entertainment and "enjoyment" eating to what you are spending to help others. I think maybe we all can do better.
MK Gandhi was a wise man, and his life was lived as an example to us all. He was a lawyer, yet looks like a man living in poverty. But he was healthy, happy, an dfree of many worries that plague many of us. His ideas on money, materialism, and stewardship were Truth. If we were to put such ideas into practice, we could establish truly loving communities (much like the early Christians enjoyed, written about in the book of Acts).
So next time you become angry that someone else has more money than they need, and you have none, try to think about how lucky you are to have what you do have. And then ask yourself what you have done to help those less fortunate than yourself.