Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Ooops! Am I a hypocrite?
Hello again friends! Well, yesterday was a bad day in my experiments with responsible living. I blew two of my resolutions in one action. I was driving from school to my second shift of work when I decided I had better eat. I drove through Taco Bell and bought 3 tacos. I didn't realize until I was out of the drive-thru that tacos are full of beef, and I was abstaining from beef! Furthermore, I had once again wasted money on unhealthy fast food when I could have just as easily ran home and ate something, or had something healthy at the hospital cafeteria.
The funny thing is, I understand why I did it. There are two reasons:
1) We are creatures of habit. Once we develop a habitual routine, it is hard to break. It takes a lot of effort and energy to overcome these habits.
2) My focus was all wrong. Instead of focusing on my a] debt situation, b] need to be more healthy, c] how I could better use that money for others, and d] using my beef fast for the remembrance of Jesus, I did what I wanted to. This is a hard thing to recognize about yourself, because it shows weakness of character. No one forced me to do these things, I brought them on myself; so why can't I stick to them?
It is this selfishness that I have always hated, but I am guilty of it myself. Does this make me a hypocrite? You may say "yes," but I say "no." I say this because I continue to try to be better. I used the experience to learn a lesson, and I will again return to my fast, and my money struggles again today.
This is why I began the Lent process to begin with, as I have stated in a previous Blog. I was tired of the amount of lip service my Catholic acquaintances give to their sacrifices, only to fail by the end of the 40 days. I rarely heard them say anything about their focus. Mostly I heard laments about "Oh I can't do/have that, I gave it up for Lent." They were making their sacrifices public, and not the goal (a 40 day conscious focus on Christ's story). It seems to follow that once they (inevitably) fail, they give in all together. Lent practices should mirror Christian theology, and Jesus taught us that we are to give up sin for Him. Sin is habitual, and hard to stop for mankind. When we sin, we need to admit it, feel bad about it, ask for forgiveness, and try again. Lent should work the same way.
I don't want to mire this in Christianity, because that is not my aim. Religion has little to do with this process... we all can benefit from realizing our weaknesses, and taking part in the process of failure/trying again. We need to better ourselves. We need to find weak areas of our lives and resolve to fix them. These things are probably habitual, and hard to break. We will most likely fail, but do not give up! I would ask you all to use this as encouragement. Whether it is a diet, a resolution, a Lent promise, or whatever, if you fail, again, do not give up.
Jaa mata ashita!
The funny thing is, I understand why I did it. There are two reasons:
1) We are creatures of habit. Once we develop a habitual routine, it is hard to break. It takes a lot of effort and energy to overcome these habits.
2) My focus was all wrong. Instead of focusing on my a] debt situation, b] need to be more healthy, c] how I could better use that money for others, and d] using my beef fast for the remembrance of Jesus, I did what I wanted to. This is a hard thing to recognize about yourself, because it shows weakness of character. No one forced me to do these things, I brought them on myself; so why can't I stick to them?
It is this selfishness that I have always hated, but I am guilty of it myself. Does this make me a hypocrite? You may say "yes," but I say "no." I say this because I continue to try to be better. I used the experience to learn a lesson, and I will again return to my fast, and my money struggles again today.
This is why I began the Lent process to begin with, as I have stated in a previous Blog. I was tired of the amount of lip service my Catholic acquaintances give to their sacrifices, only to fail by the end of the 40 days. I rarely heard them say anything about their focus. Mostly I heard laments about "Oh I can't do/have that, I gave it up for Lent." They were making their sacrifices public, and not the goal (a 40 day conscious focus on Christ's story). It seems to follow that once they (inevitably) fail, they give in all together. Lent practices should mirror Christian theology, and Jesus taught us that we are to give up sin for Him. Sin is habitual, and hard to stop for mankind. When we sin, we need to admit it, feel bad about it, ask for forgiveness, and try again. Lent should work the same way.
I don't want to mire this in Christianity, because that is not my aim. Religion has little to do with this process... we all can benefit from realizing our weaknesses, and taking part in the process of failure/trying again. We need to better ourselves. We need to find weak areas of our lives and resolve to fix them. These things are probably habitual, and hard to break. We will most likely fail, but do not give up! I would ask you all to use this as encouragement. Whether it is a diet, a resolution, a Lent promise, or whatever, if you fail, again, do not give up.
Jaa mata ashita!
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