Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Sometimes education means saying "I suck."
One of the hardest things to do is admit your own failures. It is hard not to make excuses, and even harder not to pass blame. You are totally exposed once you admit to your failure: it is sort of like putting the "I approved this message" on ignorance.
Failure stick with you. It isn't bad that most failures have immediate consequences, but they tend to have side-effects that reach deep into the world around you. People look at you different, so in that way, failure changes your character.
Admitting failure is also a great way to begin a cycle of doubt. You begin to wonder if the failure was due to momentary poor judgment, or something innate in you. You wonder if you had any choice but to fail. Maybe you are in over your head? Maybe you simply overestimated your own abilities and limitations? Failure makes you ask these questions.
But, sometimes learning is based on failing and admitting that failure. Steven Hawking, or as Homer Simpson calls him, "that wheelchair guy," rocked the science community in the 70's and 80's with his theories of black holes. Like Einstein, his contribution to the world of physics opened many new doorways, and were the result of a brilliant and creative mind. For years and years, Hawking reigned as Einstein's modern-day flagbearer.
The problem is, he suddenly found that his theory had flaws. We won;t get into it here, but there were some small inconsistencies and falsehoods in his theory. What do you do? In the world of academics, you tend to fervently protect your theories. They represent your legacy, your claim to greatness in the community. If there are ever holes in your work, you soon lose face and favor.
But Hawking didn't hide from his mistakes. He openly admitted in a press conference this summer that he was mistaken, but that the bulk of his work still stands strong. This is how science works; theories are made, tested, and subject to modification or elimination until the end of time. Nothing is sacred. And for that reason, we have unlocked many secrets and mysteries of the universe. Because of failure, and acknowledgement of failure, we have a working model for just about every phenomena we can think of.
So back to me. My failure. I overshot my abilities. I assumed that I was smarter than I was, and did not properly study for a test (Biochemistry). I made no time for studying, and in the weekend prior to the test, I chose to fill my schedule with many activities. Then, I got sick. I didn't sleep, I ate poorly, and in the end, I squandered my opportunity to be prepared for class. What happened? I got a 65%. My worst score on a test ever (well, post-NCC anyway).
Now I have to face this failure. Not only does it stain my grade permanently (the first test is the easiest, so it is supposed to pad your grade as material gets tougher), but it has affected both my confidence and character. I find myself asking if I am going to be able to pull things together. Did I get a 65% because I did not study, or maybe that is because my comprehension ability is lower than the level of coursework? Have I failed to find a balance between study time and "other" time? Do I belong in Pharmacy School at all?
As for my character, I have ruined how others see me. I hate hearing "I told you so." And I have had to hear it a million times in the last 24 hours. "You should have studied more." (No kidding.) "You are working too much." "You need to make school a priority." On and on. Furthermore, I feel as if people in my class now see me as "that guy who goofs around and did poorly on his Biochem." I mean, other classmates of mine got scores in the 90's.
But, I am taking it all on the chin, and trying to grit my teeth, and learn my lesson. Hopefully from now on I will use this gut wrenching failure to spur me on to do better. To be prepared. To manage my time better. Learning from mistakes is a key part of education. If we fail to correct our actions based on our failures, then we do not learn. When we fail, admit our mistakes, and adjust our lives... we become wise.
See ya!
Failure stick with you. It isn't bad that most failures have immediate consequences, but they tend to have side-effects that reach deep into the world around you. People look at you different, so in that way, failure changes your character.
Admitting failure is also a great way to begin a cycle of doubt. You begin to wonder if the failure was due to momentary poor judgment, or something innate in you. You wonder if you had any choice but to fail. Maybe you are in over your head? Maybe you simply overestimated your own abilities and limitations? Failure makes you ask these questions.
But, sometimes learning is based on failing and admitting that failure. Steven Hawking, or as Homer Simpson calls him, "that wheelchair guy," rocked the science community in the 70's and 80's with his theories of black holes. Like Einstein, his contribution to the world of physics opened many new doorways, and were the result of a brilliant and creative mind. For years and years, Hawking reigned as Einstein's modern-day flagbearer.
The problem is, he suddenly found that his theory had flaws. We won;t get into it here, but there were some small inconsistencies and falsehoods in his theory. What do you do? In the world of academics, you tend to fervently protect your theories. They represent your legacy, your claim to greatness in the community. If there are ever holes in your work, you soon lose face and favor.
But Hawking didn't hide from his mistakes. He openly admitted in a press conference this summer that he was mistaken, but that the bulk of his work still stands strong. This is how science works; theories are made, tested, and subject to modification or elimination until the end of time. Nothing is sacred. And for that reason, we have unlocked many secrets and mysteries of the universe. Because of failure, and acknowledgement of failure, we have a working model for just about every phenomena we can think of.
So back to me. My failure. I overshot my abilities. I assumed that I was smarter than I was, and did not properly study for a test (Biochemistry). I made no time for studying, and in the weekend prior to the test, I chose to fill my schedule with many activities. Then, I got sick. I didn't sleep, I ate poorly, and in the end, I squandered my opportunity to be prepared for class. What happened? I got a 65%. My worst score on a test ever (well, post-NCC anyway).
Now I have to face this failure. Not only does it stain my grade permanently (the first test is the easiest, so it is supposed to pad your grade as material gets tougher), but it has affected both my confidence and character. I find myself asking if I am going to be able to pull things together. Did I get a 65% because I did not study, or maybe that is because my comprehension ability is lower than the level of coursework? Have I failed to find a balance between study time and "other" time? Do I belong in Pharmacy School at all?
As for my character, I have ruined how others see me. I hate hearing "I told you so." And I have had to hear it a million times in the last 24 hours. "You should have studied more." (No kidding.) "You are working too much." "You need to make school a priority." On and on. Furthermore, I feel as if people in my class now see me as "that guy who goofs around and did poorly on his Biochem." I mean, other classmates of mine got scores in the 90's.
But, I am taking it all on the chin, and trying to grit my teeth, and learn my lesson. Hopefully from now on I will use this gut wrenching failure to spur me on to do better. To be prepared. To manage my time better. Learning from mistakes is a key part of education. If we fail to correct our actions based on our failures, then we do not learn. When we fail, admit our mistakes, and adjust our lives... we become wise.
See ya!
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