Monday, November 08, 2004
Misty May and I Dig It
Hi ya! Yesterday I had the opportunity to play volleyball with my intramural team. I joined the team in October, and I have missed like five games already (for assorted reasons). I had a lot of fun, and I forgot how fulfilling team sports can be... but they also can be humiliating and frustrating. I hate feeling like the weak link in anything, and last night I definitely played that role! In my own defense, it has been literally seven years since the last time I have played volleyball.
It was really strange. I only knew one person on the team, and so I met her before the game to warm up. The other girl she introduced me to was very nice, so now I was comfortable with two people, and I was starting to feel less nervous. Nervous, you say? Yes. My stomach was in a knot. I was more nervous than I had been for any test this semester. My heart was beating sort of hard, not just from running around either. I guess it was time for the old social anxiety to start to kick in.
As if someone just opened a gate, the other four players showed up. I didn't catch anyone's names (I think there was a Dan in there somewhere). Anyway, the game got underway, and I was really dreading the first time the ball came to me. You know, first impressions and all. But come it did, and I hit it the wrong way. Then too hard. Then the wrong way again, followed up by at the wrong time (co-ed rules really confused me). To finish the cycle, I also hit it using the wrong method (you have to bump a received serve). Then I had to serve... *SIGH*
By the time we had lost the first game, my stomach was inside out. I literally felt as if I was an angry word of criticism away from needing to throw up. I don't know what makes me uptight, it isn't like I am shy. I feared that I would feel that way around strangers, and so that has been a big factor in why I haven't played at all. I wouldn't have showed up for Sunday's game at all if I didn't feel like my time to spend with P. is slipping away for me, and that I was disappointing her by signing up and never coming to play.
My fears were, however, furthered by the fact that the others started playing positions to cover me. I really wanted to do well, because I wanted to welcome during future games. I had a lot of fun despite my lack of ability, and my nervousness. So team, I am sorry for my poor play, but thank you so much for the fun time! Playing team sports is one of the things I miss most in my life. I am an athlete trapped in the body of a chubby bookworm... the limiting reagent in my physical fitness is always the presence of other people willing to work out/play tennis/play racquet ball/go running with me. When did I get so dependent, and how can I fix it? Or, maybe I'll just accept who and what I am, and get more aggressive in finding sports partners.
Oh, by the way... we won, so that is cool! The fact that my own poor play didn't kill the team loosened me up a bit, and has given me a little steam for the next time I can play. That's all I have for today. My brain is sort of cloudy, and needless to say, by thighs and forearms are sore today. I'll get back to my old bloggin' self soon enough.
See ya!
It was really strange. I only knew one person on the team, and so I met her before the game to warm up. The other girl she introduced me to was very nice, so now I was comfortable with two people, and I was starting to feel less nervous. Nervous, you say? Yes. My stomach was in a knot. I was more nervous than I had been for any test this semester. My heart was beating sort of hard, not just from running around either. I guess it was time for the old social anxiety to start to kick in.
As if someone just opened a gate, the other four players showed up. I didn't catch anyone's names (I think there was a Dan in there somewhere). Anyway, the game got underway, and I was really dreading the first time the ball came to me. You know, first impressions and all. But come it did, and I hit it the wrong way. Then too hard. Then the wrong way again, followed up by at the wrong time (co-ed rules really confused me). To finish the cycle, I also hit it using the wrong method (you have to bump a received serve). Then I had to serve... *SIGH*
By the time we had lost the first game, my stomach was inside out. I literally felt as if I was an angry word of criticism away from needing to throw up. I don't know what makes me uptight, it isn't like I am shy. I feared that I would feel that way around strangers, and so that has been a big factor in why I haven't played at all. I wouldn't have showed up for Sunday's game at all if I didn't feel like my time to spend with P. is slipping away for me, and that I was disappointing her by signing up and never coming to play.
My fears were, however, furthered by the fact that the others started playing positions to cover me. I really wanted to do well, because I wanted to welcome during future games. I had a lot of fun despite my lack of ability, and my nervousness. So team, I am sorry for my poor play, but thank you so much for the fun time! Playing team sports is one of the things I miss most in my life. I am an athlete trapped in the body of a chubby bookworm... the limiting reagent in my physical fitness is always the presence of other people willing to work out/play tennis/play racquet ball/go running with me. When did I get so dependent, and how can I fix it? Or, maybe I'll just accept who and what I am, and get more aggressive in finding sports partners.
Oh, by the way... we won, so that is cool! The fact that my own poor play didn't kill the team loosened me up a bit, and has given me a little steam for the next time I can play. That's all I have for today. My brain is sort of cloudy, and needless to say, by thighs and forearms are sore today. I'll get back to my old bloggin' self soon enough.
See ya!
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