Sunday, July 10, 2005
Reelin' in the years at Kohl's.
Ever been to Kohl's? Its like a cross between Mervyns, Dillards, Sears, JC Penny's, and Target. You know the M.O.; lots of clothes, a few assorted other departments. As far as department stores go, its not too bad. The store is clean and not as crammed as others. Also, the clothes are somewhat classy and not too expensive. No top of the line stuff, but no Jaclyn Smith or Kathy Lee Gifford fashions either. They do have some tacky Daisy Fuentes and Ashley Judd product lines, but I digress...
I rode shotgun to Kohl's with my wife. It was a covert op: the ruse was that we were going for a wedding present, but the real mission was to shop our buts off. By we I mean her.
So as I am there, I decided to play armchair anthropologist. Its better than the nervous stares you get from women who suddenly feel self-conscious with their shopping when a man is just standing there. Especially in the swim suit area (by this I mean when we are in the swim suit department, not that they were nervous in their swim suit area...)
First of all, what has happened to muzak? Or is it, what has happened to me? They played Steely Dan and Duncan Sheik. Wasn't muzak supposed to be "Girl from Iponema" over and over? I hate hearing good music in stores. It reminds me of the time I heard Frank Black's "Big Red" and The Smiths "Hand in Glove" over muzac at The Gap once. "Reelin' in the Years" by Steely Dan is more or less what I want engraved on my gravestone. Every verse is genius. It isn't the kind of introspection and satire that goes with crass consumerism. Oh well.
Next item of business; The JUNIORS department. Before you cry statutory, let me finish. At what age are you not supposed to shop in Juniors ladies? If it didn't matter, why is its own department? Its not a size thing, because there is a petite section. For you guys who don't know, Juniors is the department that specializes in clothes that teens and college girls would wear. Lots of tight shirts, bare midriffs, and ass-cheekery. Flirty and fun for girls who still have some sort of a body.
Anyway, while we were in the Juniors section, (keep in mind my wife is 30) there was a dozen women. Only 2 were looking like "juniors." Other than my wife, to the woman, the rest looked well over 30. And I am being generous with using 30 as the mile post. One woman was easily 50. One word, gross (or is it 'sad').
Lastly, the "Lance Armstrong" bracelet craze. You can buy them in clumps of 4 in various colors for $2.99 under the moniker "fashion accessories." Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like any "I care" fad, it has turned into a monster. It started off as a good idea to raise some cash for a good cause, then morphed into a statement. I have seen pink (for breast cancer), and red (for Red Cross) used by other charities, but now you can just out and out buy them for wear. Cheaper. Without tacky slogans (or with a tacky slogan of your choice). "Choose Life." Remember those huge message shirts? Shopping mall iron-on stores made a mint off those. All of these fads are bullcrap... the magnetic/adhesive "I'm more patriotic than you" ribbons, the Jesus fish, and so on. Each more retarded and useless than the last.
Horns up.
I rode shotgun to Kohl's with my wife. It was a covert op: the ruse was that we were going for a wedding present, but the real mission was to shop our buts off. By we I mean her.
So as I am there, I decided to play armchair anthropologist. Its better than the nervous stares you get from women who suddenly feel self-conscious with their shopping when a man is just standing there. Especially in the swim suit area (by this I mean when we are in the swim suit department, not that they were nervous in their swim suit area...)
First of all, what has happened to muzak? Or is it, what has happened to me? They played Steely Dan and Duncan Sheik. Wasn't muzak supposed to be "Girl from Iponema" over and over? I hate hearing good music in stores. It reminds me of the time I heard Frank Black's "Big Red" and The Smiths "Hand in Glove" over muzac at The Gap once. "Reelin' in the Years" by Steely Dan is more or less what I want engraved on my gravestone. Every verse is genius. It isn't the kind of introspection and satire that goes with crass consumerism. Oh well.
Next item of business; The JUNIORS department. Before you cry statutory, let me finish. At what age are you not supposed to shop in Juniors ladies? If it didn't matter, why is its own department? Its not a size thing, because there is a petite section. For you guys who don't know, Juniors is the department that specializes in clothes that teens and college girls would wear. Lots of tight shirts, bare midriffs, and ass-cheekery. Flirty and fun for girls who still have some sort of a body.
Anyway, while we were in the Juniors section, (keep in mind my wife is 30) there was a dozen women. Only 2 were looking like "juniors." Other than my wife, to the woman, the rest looked well over 30. And I am being generous with using 30 as the mile post. One woman was easily 50. One word, gross (or is it 'sad').
Lastly, the "Lance Armstrong" bracelet craze. You can buy them in clumps of 4 in various colors for $2.99 under the moniker "fashion accessories." Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like any "I care" fad, it has turned into a monster. It started off as a good idea to raise some cash for a good cause, then morphed into a statement. I have seen pink (for breast cancer), and red (for Red Cross) used by other charities, but now you can just out and out buy them for wear. Cheaper. Without tacky slogans (or with a tacky slogan of your choice). "Choose Life." Remember those huge message shirts? Shopping mall iron-on stores made a mint off those. All of these fads are bullcrap... the magnetic/adhesive "I'm more patriotic than you" ribbons, the Jesus fish, and so on. Each more retarded and useless than the last.
Horns up.
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