Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Worldwide from the river to Lakeside...
Carl is short on time and sleep so guess what that means loyal readers… sampler platter time!!!
1. The Caves of Hell
I have been watching through the entire run of Mystery Science Theater. I am on show number 109 (that is, the 9th show of the first official season). I have seen many of the episodes from all seasons before, but watching them in order is a lot of fun. You see the evolution of the timing, inside jokes, and the writing. Even the format of the show and personalities of the characters change over time. Yes, I put a lot of thought into this show, even though it is invisible to all but the most ravenous of us anti-nerds.
You know what an anti-nerd is, right? Aware of nerd culture and nerd mythology, but not part of it… yet our behaviors and obsessions (no matter how intelligent and edgy) can likewise be seen as nerdy by popular, mainstream culture? Basically we are self-loathing nerds, okay? We know enough about Xena to mock her fans, but know too much about her for the common man to call us brother/sister. This is the burden of the MSTie.
But I have a devil’s advocate question for you… in MST3K’s relentless parade of bad 1950’s B-movies, there seem to be a lot of common themes. One such theme is the “cave.” Caves are spooky, full of danger. Monsters freely inhabit caves, revelations that threaten man are hidden in caves, and evil geniuses use caves to plot against goodness in secret… you see the pattern? Caves seem to be on the list of primal fears somewhere below snakes, but above STDs (no one seems too scared of these anymore, do they?).
Here is my question; why are we afraid of caves? Why are they so easily used to conjure fear and foreboding? Why aren’t the heroes tucked away in caves and the monsters confined to wrought iron towers? The only hero that ever truly utilized a cave was Batman, and he is in all actuality an anti-hero… whoops, slipped into my anti-nerd costume there. I think I have an answer, let me just toss this out for you. No, I am not going to suggest that our fear of caves has some Freudian mother-loving vaginal symbolism… I’m going to suggest something more provocative than that.
Maybe we fear that when we look in a cave, it won’t be empty, but instead inhabited by the bones of a long dead Nazarene. Or not. Maybe it is just the prospect of spiderwebs in your face or bats in your hair. Or that Freud vagina thing. Your choice.
2. Spelling “team “ T-I-E-M
Man, I finally get to watch a football game (took until week 3 for THAT to happen). I was in luck, because it also happened to be my beloved Broncos… who, until tonight, I was really worried about. Did they look good or what? Well, other than their secondary. A little soft, if you ask me. A W is a W, right? We needed this to reset the division to square one.
You know how they always say “there’s no ‘I’ in team?” Well, I’ve never liked that oversimplified garbage. Look at the tape of last nights Denver-Kansas City Monday Night Football game. Just before the 4th quarter’s 2 minute warning, Kansas City scored a touchdown. It was a lazy, poor-placed pass to the left… the receiver had to leap at an awkward angle to catch it. The Bronco assigned to this receiver made a half-attempt to knock the receiver off-balance, and also made a lethargic attempt at a strip. Then he gave up. Stopped. Planted both feet, dropped his shoulders, and looked away. And the receiver ran. By the time it registered that the ball was caught, it was too late… it was a KC touchdown. Sometimes there is an “I” in team. One man can ruin it for dozens of others, and hundreds of fans. Never forget that.
There needs to be a universal understanding that folk sayings and proverbs are not ‘truth’ because they sound good or fit some metaphysical ideal. There should always be room for personal accountability, blame, and punishment. I think if you look at the shortcomings of education, professional ethics, and our legal system, you will see roots deeply planted into this culture of clever quips, unscientific wisdom, and hollow philosophy.
3. The Race Was On
One last thing. I just thought this was funny. This weekend in Illinois, a marathon was run. The course traveled through the city, which most do… only there was a lack of coordination somewhere, as 2 freight trains crossed the tracks mid-event. This means all those over achievers that use such competitions to give their pitiful lives meaning had to stop running and stand idly by. This was hilarious to a fat, slow, non-competitive man like myself. Nothing beats seeing yuppies in short-shorts and headbands standing with their hands on their hips, almost crying at the sign of a train. Some, in defiance of the unwelcome cessation of kinesis, ran in small circles (or in place). Sad. The train stopped you from running an unnatural distance in an unnaturally short amount of time. This is what the rest of us call “divine intervention.”
But then again, the “rest of us” sat on our butts, alone, eating Ruffles, watching reruns of a 1990’s show where a dorky comedian and his puppets pretend to be trapped in outer space, mocking movies we wouldn’t normally dare sit and watch on our own (that would be a waste of time wouldn’t it?). Did I mention that I am 230 pounds?! I may not be the best source for common sense related to physical activity…
Horns up.
1. The Caves of Hell
I have been watching through the entire run of Mystery Science Theater. I am on show number 109 (that is, the 9th show of the first official season). I have seen many of the episodes from all seasons before, but watching them in order is a lot of fun. You see the evolution of the timing, inside jokes, and the writing. Even the format of the show and personalities of the characters change over time. Yes, I put a lot of thought into this show, even though it is invisible to all but the most ravenous of us anti-nerds.
You know what an anti-nerd is, right? Aware of nerd culture and nerd mythology, but not part of it… yet our behaviors and obsessions (no matter how intelligent and edgy) can likewise be seen as nerdy by popular, mainstream culture? Basically we are self-loathing nerds, okay? We know enough about Xena to mock her fans, but know too much about her for the common man to call us brother/sister. This is the burden of the MSTie.
But I have a devil’s advocate question for you… in MST3K’s relentless parade of bad 1950’s B-movies, there seem to be a lot of common themes. One such theme is the “cave.” Caves are spooky, full of danger. Monsters freely inhabit caves, revelations that threaten man are hidden in caves, and evil geniuses use caves to plot against goodness in secret… you see the pattern? Caves seem to be on the list of primal fears somewhere below snakes, but above STDs (no one seems too scared of these anymore, do they?).
Here is my question; why are we afraid of caves? Why are they so easily used to conjure fear and foreboding? Why aren’t the heroes tucked away in caves and the monsters confined to wrought iron towers? The only hero that ever truly utilized a cave was Batman, and he is in all actuality an anti-hero… whoops, slipped into my anti-nerd costume there. I think I have an answer, let me just toss this out for you. No, I am not going to suggest that our fear of caves has some Freudian mother-loving vaginal symbolism… I’m going to suggest something more provocative than that.
Maybe we fear that when we look in a cave, it won’t be empty, but instead inhabited by the bones of a long dead Nazarene. Or not. Maybe it is just the prospect of spiderwebs in your face or bats in your hair. Or that Freud vagina thing. Your choice.
2. Spelling “team “ T-I-E-M
Man, I finally get to watch a football game (took until week 3 for THAT to happen). I was in luck, because it also happened to be my beloved Broncos… who, until tonight, I was really worried about. Did they look good or what? Well, other than their secondary. A little soft, if you ask me. A W is a W, right? We needed this to reset the division to square one.
You know how they always say “there’s no ‘I’ in team?” Well, I’ve never liked that oversimplified garbage. Look at the tape of last nights Denver-Kansas City Monday Night Football game. Just before the 4th quarter’s 2 minute warning, Kansas City scored a touchdown. It was a lazy, poor-placed pass to the left… the receiver had to leap at an awkward angle to catch it. The Bronco assigned to this receiver made a half-attempt to knock the receiver off-balance, and also made a lethargic attempt at a strip. Then he gave up. Stopped. Planted both feet, dropped his shoulders, and looked away. And the receiver ran. By the time it registered that the ball was caught, it was too late… it was a KC touchdown. Sometimes there is an “I” in team. One man can ruin it for dozens of others, and hundreds of fans. Never forget that.
There needs to be a universal understanding that folk sayings and proverbs are not ‘truth’ because they sound good or fit some metaphysical ideal. There should always be room for personal accountability, blame, and punishment. I think if you look at the shortcomings of education, professional ethics, and our legal system, you will see roots deeply planted into this culture of clever quips, unscientific wisdom, and hollow philosophy.
3. The Race Was On
One last thing. I just thought this was funny. This weekend in Illinois, a marathon was run. The course traveled through the city, which most do… only there was a lack of coordination somewhere, as 2 freight trains crossed the tracks mid-event. This means all those over achievers that use such competitions to give their pitiful lives meaning had to stop running and stand idly by. This was hilarious to a fat, slow, non-competitive man like myself. Nothing beats seeing yuppies in short-shorts and headbands standing with their hands on their hips, almost crying at the sign of a train. Some, in defiance of the unwelcome cessation of kinesis, ran in small circles (or in place). Sad. The train stopped you from running an unnatural distance in an unnaturally short amount of time. This is what the rest of us call “divine intervention.”
But then again, the “rest of us” sat on our butts, alone, eating Ruffles, watching reruns of a 1990’s show where a dorky comedian and his puppets pretend to be trapped in outer space, mocking movies we wouldn’t normally dare sit and watch on our own (that would be a waste of time wouldn’t it?). Did I mention that I am 230 pounds?! I may not be the best source for common sense related to physical activity…
Horns up.
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